


Shallow Valley

by Ripley123



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Doctor Clarke Griffin, F/F, Finn Collins Being an Asshole, Serial Killer, Single Parent Lexa (The 100), Slow Burn, shallow valley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:20:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 34,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27878281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripley123/pseuds/Ripley123
Summary: Shallow Valley is a quiet small town surrounded by hills and mountains. Nothing striking ever happens there and citizens would say nothing is missing too, between the local pub and the good school and Marcus' music store. They live a normal life, away from the chaos of the city. Until, out of the blue, a citizen of Polis, the biggest city of the region, moves in, looking for a better life for herself and her two children.ORThe one in which Lexa comes to a very small town from Polis, looking for a better life and running away from something that is chasing her and meets a very kind and beautiful blonde doctor ready to help her and her two kids
Relationships: Anya & Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Madi, Lexa & Madi (The 100), Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 128
Kudos: 206





	1. Prologue-Another Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is a new story that popped out in my mind a month ago. It’s really different from Something To Hold On To, my other fanfiction, but I hope you will enjoy it. Let me know what you think about it, I’m really proud of this one and I will try to update once a week.
> 
> English is not my first language, so be kind please, but don’t be scared to correct eventual mistakes. 
> 
> Well, see you next week!

** Prologue **

> _Not so far I swear  
>  There’s another turn that leads_  
>  _ Towards another home somewhere  _
> 
> _ (Mary Chapin Carpenter-Another Home) _

The car was driving really fast. The woman breathed in relief. No one was behind them. No one was following them. They were safe and they would have always been. She turned towards the backseat. Aden was sleeping sweetly, leaning on the big suitcase next to him. She smiled. 

“Can you pay attention to the road? I don’t want to die, idiot." the girl next to her told her, in a very rude way. 

“Madi, don’t talk to me like that. I know you’re not happy about moving, but we have to do this. It will be funny, you will have new friends and we will be able to start again.” 

“I had friends. I had a life. I had fun. Oh, and I also had a mother.” the girl replied, with anger. The woman sighed. She knew the sacrifice she was asking the girl was enormous, but she couldn’t act in a different way. Not that time.

“I’m sorry, honey. I know how you feel, but...”

“You don’t know anything! She was my mother, not yours! And now pay attention to the road and stop talking. I don’t want to hear your voice anymore.”. The woman rolled her eyes and kept driving. She gazed at the girl, watching her while she was putting headphones in her ears and turning on her iPod. Fifteen years old and a very strong passion for heavy metal music, Madi was a whole mystery to her. The two didn’t get along well. They would have never. 

“Mama, are we there yet?” a sweet and gentle voice asked from the backseat. Aden was awakened, but his big brown eyes were so sleepy. 

“No, we aren’t, sweetheart. Keep sleeping.” the woman said. 

“But I have to pee.” Aden complained. The woman groaned and stopped the car on the side of the road. She went off the car and helped the kid to do the same, so he could pee. Madi was laughing of her. She loved watching the woman in need. 

“Thank you for helping me!” 

“Oh, you’re welcome idiot.” replied the girl, with a grin on her face.  Lord, help me  thought the woman.

“Are you okay, Aden? Can we go back to the car?” she asked the kid. Five years old and an incredible talent for doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, Aden was a sweet and lively child. He loved the woman and, unlike his sister, he considered her his parent. He felt really attached to her, she was his mama after all. And she loved him back, of course. 

“Come on sweetheart, we have to go. I don’t want to be late at my sister’s.”

“Are you fucking serious? It’s six in the morning, we will be early, not late!” Madi shouted from the car. 

“Shut up! We have to go, come on!” the woman insisted. Aden and she went back to the car, quietly. 

“I will miss home.” he stated. The woman kissed his temple.

“Me too, but we have to go.”. The woman started the car. She was driving faster then before. Madi tried to say something about her driving skills, but the woman cut off her attempt. Madi shrugs and kept listening to her music. Megadeth, she loved that band.  _ Devils Island _ was one of her favorite songs ever. It reminded her of her mom. She was a huge fan of Megadeth and she introduced Madi to heavy metal music. They used to go to concerts together and listen to a lot of albums. She really missed her. 

“Turn down the volume, please.”. Madi laughed.

“I want to enjoy my music, so no, I won’t lower the volume.” 

“Madi, please, turn down the volume! You will become deaf if you listen to music so loud.” the woman insisted. 

“You decided to move from Polis, depriving me of concerts and ruining my life. I won’t turn down the volume!“ Madi retorts. The woman sighed and surrendered. She kept driving. It was seven in the morning. Finally, they saw a sign reciting  _ Shallow Valley _ and some houses. The woman breathed in relief. 

“Yeah, there will be a lot of fun.” Madi commented ironically, noticing how small that little town was. The woman didn’t reply. She just wanted to arrive to her sister’s. She drove through the narrow streets of that small sleepy town, looking for a green house. 

“We lost, didn’t we?” Madi asked. 

“I just don’t know where to go.” the woman replied. 

“Yes, sure.", the girl commented. The woman decided to pull over and to ask a police officer she saw some information. 

“Good morning Miss! May I help you?” the police officer said. He was a young and shambling guy of funny and kind appearance. The woman swallowed. She didn’t like police officers at all, but she had no choice. She had to ask him some information. Also, there was something reassuring in that guy.

“My name is Jasper Jordan, you are new in town, aren’t you?” the police officer tried to approach that strange trio. 

“You should be the smart guy in the family.” 

“Madi! I’m sorry, don’t listen to her.” the woman apologized. “I’m looking for... Uhmm... So, do you know how to reach Philpott Street?” the woman asked, shy. Hearing that, the police officer smiled. 

“Yes, of course! Two of my best friends live there, Anya Woods and Raven Reyes. Are you visiting them?”

“Well, we are actually moving there. Anya is my sister, we need to go to her place.” the woman told him. 

“Oh, great. Well, you need to go straight for one mile and then turn right. You will see a green house, your destination.” the police officer explained. 

“Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome! Shallow Valley is a pretty and quiet town, you’ll be fine here.” the police officer said. 

“I hope so, Mister Jordan.” the woman claimed, a bit of sadness in her green eyes. 

“So, let’s see you around Miss...”

“Lexa. My name is Lexa Woods.”. And, after having revelead her name, the woman started driving again towards her sister’s house, towards a new life. Towards a new beginning.


	2. 1.Small Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa meet and the boiler doesn’t work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know I said I would have updated next week, but I couldn’t resist. I am really thankful for all the amazing comments and the kudos. I didn’t expect such reactions, so thank you. 
> 
> I hope you will like this chapter, let me know what you think about it. I will try to update on Friday, promise.
> 
> See you soon!

** 1. **

> _Well I was born in a small town  
>  And I live in a small town_   
>  _Prob'ly die in a small town  
> _ _Oh, those small communities_
> 
> _ (John Mellencamp-Small Town) _

  
Shallow Valley was a very small town not too far from Polis. It was set in a valley, surrounded by hills and a mountainous area and it was a very quiet place. Despite a sheriff station, Shallow Valley hadn’t seen an efferate crime in ages, just some cheap crooks and a bunch of neighbourhood disputes. Sometimes the police had to stop kids’ attempts of stealing cherries and apples from Mr. Wallace‘s plantations or some child happened to be lost in the woods around the town, but nothing more.

Even if it was pretty small, there was basically everything you need in Shallow Valley. There was a small hospital, a sheriff station, a firemen station, a kindergarten, a school, an old, but functional cinema, a gym, a church, two cafes, a pizzeria, two restaurants and some shops.

Shallow Valley hosted a pretty huge numbers of ancient legends, some of native origins. The town was said to be founded by an old gold miner and a young native warrior who saved him from a bear attack. They settled there with their families and friends, fed up of war between white people and natives and so the history of Shallow Valley began. Citizenry celebrated the so called  Foundation on December 11, just two weeks before Christmas. Celebrations were all day long and included a Mayor’s speech, competitions of all sorts, concerts, a lot of food and a kid’s play. Committee for the Celebration used to start preparations two weeks before the date and this was the reason why Raven Reyes was trying to assemble the stage for the Mayor’s speech. She was holding a drill in her right hand without understanding why she wasn’t able to hammer the nails in the beams. 

“Clarke, hand me that box, please!" she said to the blonde girl next to her. She was a little shorter than her, with blonde hair and really blue eyes. Clarke Griffin and Raven Reyes had been best friends since kindergarten and they were both in the Committee. They cared about the celebration and they wanted it to be perfect. 

“Fuck, this stupid drill is broken. I need to go home and take a new one.”

“How many drills do you have at home, Raven?” Clarke asked.

“Just three. This isn’t mine, it’s Bellamy’s. And it doesn’t work indeed.”. Clarke giggled. Raven was a very smart girl who worked as a computer maintainer for Jacapo Sinclair, the man who fostered her. Raven’s mother had died when she was only seven, while her dad had flew before she was born. He wasn’t from Shallow Valley and nobody knew how to find him again. Jacapo Sinclair was Reyes’ neighbour and it came natural for him to take her with him. He soon became a father for Raven and he taught everything he knew about computers, technology and manual labors. She then went to Polis to study computer engineering at college, but despite a really tempting work offering there, she decided to come back home. She missed her small quiet town, big cities weren’t for her. 

“So come on Clarke, let’s go. We need to finish to build this stage today.". Clarke nodded and followed her friend to a red off-road. Raven used to call it  Baby Red  and it considered it her little dear son. She loved exaggerating, Clarke knew it. Raven started the car and drove towards home. It was eleven in the morning and the small town was lively and awaken. John Murphy was walking searching for something to do, Wells Jaha was baking fresh bread in its bakery and Dante Wallace was arguing with some kids, typical Shallow Valley morning routine. Raven and Clarke loved it. It felt so familiar. It felt like home. When they arrived at Raven’s place, Clarke’s attention was drawn by a little blonde child who was playing in the courtyard. He should have been four or five years old and the ball he was playing with was bigger than his face. When his gaze met Clarkes eyes, he smiled and ran to her.

“Hi!" he said. 

“Hi. Who are you, little man?” Clarke asked.

“I am Aden. And you?”. Clarke smiled back. She caresses his hair, sweetly. 

“My name is Clarke and I am Raven’s best friend.” the blonde explained. The child nodded and returned to play with his ball. Clarke gazed at Raven. 

“I didn’t know you decided to adopt a kid. Why didn’t you tell me?”. Raven bursted in laugh. Clarke was confused.

“He’s not my son. He is Anya’s nephew.”. Clarke’s jaw dropped. She was in shock.

“Did Lincoln get someone pregnant? When? Who?”

“No one, Clarke. Lincoln has no kids.”. Clarke couldn’t understand at all. 

“But you told me he is Anya’s nephew, so who are his parents?” 

“Well, I actually forgot to tell you that Anya’s sist-...”. Raven started to explain, when a sudden scream interrupted her. The two girls turned at the door and froze. Anya was walking to them, mad and exhausted. She reached them and looked at Clarke. She tapped Clarke’s chest and stared her in her eyes.

“Never have a child. Promise me.”. Clarke swallowed. She looked at Raven, begging for help, but her friend just shrugged. 

“Promise me!” Anya insisted. 

“O-okay.” the blonde surrendered. She was more and more confused. Anya was Raven’s girlfriend. They had known each other since elementary school and had grew closer and closer during the years. Raven confessed her feeling the last day of high school and Anya admitted that she was in love too. They became a stable couple, despite Raven leaving for Polis. She was a beautiful dark blonde girl, with a sharpened face and a really athletic body. She worked for the sheriff office as a detective, even if her job basically consisted in ending disputes and finding who stole neighbour’s chickens. Anya was a quiet girl and rarely she felt so furious. This is why Clarke and Raven were surprised to find her like this. Suddenly, an angry teenager appeared from the house next door. She had brown hair and incredible blue eyes. She wore jeans and a Death t-shirt and Clarke questioned herself how she couldn’t freeze. It was December and the weather was very cold.

“That fucking boiler doesn’t fucking work!” the girl yelled. Anya growled.

“Stop cussing, Aden is here!” Anya roared. 

“I don’t fucking care!” the teenager replied, emphasising the curse word. Anya started laughing, nervously. 

“But your mom does! Just wait ‘til I tell her!” she retorts, angrier. The teenager disappeared behind the door, flipping on the detective. Raven stopped her girlfriend from running to the kid and hugged her. Clarke stood still, shocked. 

“Forgive me for this pathetic show, honey.” Anya started talking. 

“What the hell is going on?” Clarke asked. Anya scratched the back of her head and sighed. She saw an old blue car parking. She sighed again.

“Let me introduce you someone, Clarke.” she said, guiding the blonde and Raven to the blue car. Clarke froze for a while. A very beautiful woman got out of the car and greeted Anya. She was taller than her and she had dark hair and wonderful green eyes. Her gaze was indecipherable, a mix of sadness, concern and hope. She was fascinating in a totally own way. Clarke felt like she was in front of a really charismatic person. 

“Clarke, this is Lexa. She is... She is my sister.” Anya introduced the emerald eyes girl to her friend. Clarke shook her hand, trying to mask her shock.

“Oh, it’s a pleasure. I didn’t know Anya had a sister.” 

“Me neither.” Anya admitted. Clarke couldn’t understand. That situation was getting stranger minute after minute. 

“It’s a very long story. We had different mothers and when our parents died we followed different paths.” Lexa answered. Her voice was so beautiful, Clarke thought. It was subtle, but at the same time so firm. 

“I needed to move here from Polis. I have two kids and I can’t raise them in such a city. I found out about Anya and asked her for help.” she explained. Clarke listened closely. She wanted to ask more questions, but she thought that maybe she could have done them another time. 

“Well, time to go! Clarke and I have to finish a stage. See you later, Lexa!” Raven cut it short. She took the blonde’s hand and pulled her to the car. Clarke got in and waited for Raven to come back with the drill, lost in her thoughts.  _Lexa_ , she pondered,  _what a beautiful name_ . 


	3. 2.Land Of Hope And Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa registers her kids for school and an unexpected encounter leads her into a job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! So, here’s the new chapter. I want to thank you all for the amazing comments and the kudos, I wasn’t expecting such a response to this story. I hope you will like this chapter too.  
> I want you to know that I’ve already written eight chapters and I almost finished chapter nine and I’m really getting proud of what I’m creating.  
> Leave a comment if you want, I love reading your thoughts.
> 
> See you next time!

**2**.

> __ Well, I will provide for you  
> And I’ll stand by your side  
> You’ll need a good companion now  
> For this part of the ride
> 
> _ (Bruce Springsteen-Land Of Hope And Dreams) _

Lexa was taking a shower, when suddenly the water became cold. She screamed and got out of the shower immediately. She got dressed and went out of the bathroom. Aden was playing on the floor of the living room with some toy cars, while Madi was on the sofa, listening to her music loud. Lexa was tempted to tell her to low the volume, but she didn’t want to argue. She sighed. She needed to talk to her, she knew that. 

“Madi.” she called her. The teenager didn’t hear her. 

“Madi.” Lexa called her again. Nothing happened.

“Madi!” she finally shouted, exasperated. The fifteen years old jumped, scared.“What’s your problem? You scared the shit out of me!”.  _Great, good move Lex_ , she thought. 

“I’ll be gone for a couple of hours. Do you think that you will be able to take care of your brother?”. Lexa didn’t want to talk to Madi that way. It just happened and she immediately regretted it. 

“Of course. He is my brother. He is my family, as opposed to you.”.  Touché . She rolled her eyes. She only wanted to have a shower and then do what she had to do. She went out of the house and knocked to her sister’s door.

“Is everything okay? Do you need help to unpack your luggage?” Anya asked, concerned. 

“No, we’re almost done. It’s the water. Madi is right, the boiler doesn’t work well. I was having a shower and the water became really cold.” Lexa explained. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll repair it!” Raven claimed, appearing from the kitchen.

“No, I don’t think so. We can call John, it will be better.” Anya replied. Raven snorted. 

“I can repair things!” she protested. 

“We’ll be better calling John.”

“I am cheaper and better than John.”

“Excuse me, who is John?” Lexa asked, stopping that little fight. 

“Just a friend of us, his name is John Murphy. He is unemployed and he lives working hand-to-mouth, but he is a good guy. He will repair the boiler, don’t worry.” Anya told her. “And Raven, maybe you could help him, so you will stop complaining.”. Lexa smiled. It was beautiful to see her sister so in love with her girlfriend. She missed something like that. Definitely. 

“So, would you please phone this John for me? I have to go now.”

“Yes, sure. Where are you going?” Anya asked. 

“I have to register the kids for school and I need to buy some food and stuff. We moved so fast, we could never bring with us everything we need and...”. For the first time since Anya had met her sister almost twenty four hours ago, she saw Lexa in tears, exhausted for what should had been a really abrupt move. She gazed at Raven, concerned. Her girlfriend nodded in understanding and invited Lexa to come in. The brunette accepted and sat on the sofa in the living room. Anya brought her a glass of water and sat next to her, caressing sweetly her back. 

“Sorry, I’m just... It’s just too much. It was all so abrupt. Madi will hate me forever because of this moving.” Lexa started to talk. 

“She will understand, I’m sure you did it for her.” Anya tried to reassure her. The brunette smiled at her. She felt so lucky to finally have someone on her side.

“I haven’t thanked you yet for all the help you are giving us. You gave us that beautiful house, you helped me with all the papers, you accepted me as your sister... I don’t want you to think that I’m taking this for granted. I am so grateful, Anya. You didn’t know me, still you helped us. I’ve known you for only twenty four hours, but I can say that you are a beautiful person. And Raven, you are a great person too.”. Raven blushed a bit, and patted Lexa’s shoulder, then she decided to leave the two sisters alone. 

“She’s not so used to compliments.” Anya said. Lexa sighed. She wiped her tears with her hand and stood up from the sofa. 

“I really have to go now. I imagined you and Raven both have to work, so I told Madi to look after Aden.” Lexa told her sister, reaching the door. She opened it and went to the car. 

“Lexa, wait a minute!” Anya stopped her. The brunette turned to her sister, a curious gaze on her face. 

“Today is Friday and Raven and I are going out with our friends after dinner. We’re gonna do nothing special, just going to the cafe. There will be my brother too. I mean, your brother. Oh, our brother.”. Lexa bit her lip. She really wanted to go out and know Lincoln, but she couldn’t, she knew it.

“I’d love to, but Madi and Aden need me tonight. I can’t ask her to take care of his brother again.” 

“I’ll do it.” Raven stated. “I’m gonna work on that damned stage all day, I don’t feel to come to the cafe. I need to rest. Go with your sister and have fun!”. Lexa tried to reply, but she had no idea what to say.

“Perfect. See you later, little sister!”

“See you later.” Lexa muttered, before going into her car. She put her hands on the steering wheel and shook her head. She started the car and drove through the town, trying to find the school. Shallow Valley was smaller than Polis, yet it was so difficult for her to understand where she had to go. She parked the car and decided to ask for information. She saw a blonde head and she walked towards her, calling her. When she turned, Lexa almost lost a beat. She was the beautiful blonde girl who had met the day before.

“Lexa, hi! How are you?” She greeted the brunette. Lexa felt so stupid. She couldn’t remember her name at all.

“Oh, um... H-hi... You are Raven’s friend, aren’t you? Clare? No, you’re not Clare. Karen? No, it’s not. Sorry, don’t hate me, I can’t remember your name.”. Clarke’s lips pictured a reassuring smile. She laughed, but not at Lexa. She was just having fun.

“Clarke. And I’m all ears, what do you need?”. Lexa gasped, as she didn’t expect the blonde to be so ready to help her. 

“Well, I... I need to know where the school and the kindergarten are, I have to register Madi and Aden.”. the brunette answered. 

“Oh, Madi and Aden, the devilish angsty teenager and the cute small little boy?”. Lexa frowned and Clarke immediately regretted those words.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be such an asshole. They seem very cool kids.” she tried to make up for her previous statement. 

“They are.” Lexa confirmed, a sad smirk on her face. Clarke bit her lip, not knowing what to do. There was something so charismatic about that woman, she was definitely attracted by her. Not in that sense, at least she thought that. No, it was something more visceral. She wanted to know her, help her.  _Help her. Yes, Clarke, she asked for help,_ she realized. 

“Well, the school is not too far from here, I can walk you there, if you want.”. Lexa nodded and let the blonde take her to the school. Clarke decided to wait for her while she was registering her kids. It didn’t take so long though. The principal, Becca Franko, was a down-to-heart woman and all she said was that she was happy to welcome Madi and Aden in her school. Lexa was relieved, even if the thought of Madi adapting to new teachers and schoolmates worried her a bit. However, when she went out from the principal office, she tried her best to fake a smile, in order to avoid eventual questions from Clarke. She liked the blonde, but she didn’t know her at all. 

“You were very quick. Did everything go alright?” 

“Yes, it went great. Madi and Aden will start attending school on Monday.” Lexa explained, enthusiastic. She hoped Madi would have made new friends, maybe better then the ones she used to hang out in Polis. Suddenly, she realized something. She was unemployed and she didn’t achieve any degree, nor certification. She wasn’t qualified for anything at all. How could she provide for her kids’ needs? She started panicking. She should have thought about this. 

“Lexa?” Clarke called her, worried. The brunette looked at her, letting blue eyes hug and comfort her. Clarke’s gaze was so warm and reassuring. 

“What’s wrong?” the blonde asked, concerned. Lexa sighed. She was so ashamed. 

“I... I need a job, Clarke.” she confessed, finally. “But I don’t have any degree. I didn’t attend college and I barely managed to finish high school.”. Clarke took her hands and started to rubbing them. 

“What did you used to do in Polis?” she asked. Lexa wanted to die. She couldn’t tell her. She barely knew that woman and she couldn’t reveal who she really was. Not yet. 

“I helped some friends with their own business.” she told. It wasn’t totally a lie. Lexa gazed at Clarke. The blonde had something in her mind, it was so clear.

“I got an idea. Let’s go to your car.” she said. Lexa frowned. She didn’t want to be a burden for Clarke.

“Sorry, I... Maybe you have to go to work. I don’t want to bother you, really.” she started talking. Clarke put an hand on her shoulder. 

“You are Lincoln and Anya’s sister, I can’t ignore you. And don’t worry, I don’t have to go to work. I’ve just finished my shift.”. Lexa seems a bit confused and overwhelmed at the same time. She hated needing help. It made her feel weak.  _Love is weakness_ , Titus had always told so. And her love for Madi and Aden had weakened her.

“I’m a doctor. I work in E.R.” Clarke explained. Lexa nodded. She still didn’t know what to do. She had just moved from Polis to a new town where she didn’t know anyone, she had just found out she had a sister and a brother and she had to take care of an angry teenager and a little child. She felt like she was in the middle of a tornado. She sighed. She had no choice, but trust Clarke and follow her. The two women got in the car and the brunette started driving following Clarke’s instructions. 

They parked in front of a small music store. Lexa found it a bit intimidating, there were a lot of metal albums exposed in the shop window and it seemed so gloomy inside.

“Let’s go, don’t be afraid.” Clarke encouraged her to get in. Lexa followed the blonde into the store. It was an incredible place. There were CDs and band merchandising everywhere. 

“Madi would love this place.” she thought out loud. Clarke smiled proud and headed to the man behind at the counter. He had dark hair and a dark beard. He seemed a good guy and his lips pictured a gentle smirk when he saw Clarke.

“Clarke, hey! How are you? Don’t you dare to forget about Sunday, or your mother will kill me.” 

“Marcus, don’t worry, I told you I’ll come. It’s not my fault I had to work.” Clarke replied. The man started laughing and Lexa felt a bit out of place. The blonde should have noticed, because she immediately introduced her to the man.

“Marcus, this is Lexa. She is Lincoln and Anya’s sister and she’s just moved here from Polis with her two kids.”. The brunette and Marcus shook their hand. 

“My name is Marcus Kane and I’m the owner of this shop. I didn’t know Lincoln and Anya’ve got a sister.” 

“Me neither. I mean, it’s a very long and complicated story.” Lexa told him. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not looking for gossip. What can I do for you, girls? Do you need a CD? Or maybe a t-shirt?” 

“Well, we need a job.” Clarke stated. “Not me, I mean, I have a job. She... She needs a job.”. Lexa bowed her head, shy. Marcus looked at her.

“You aren’t a great metal and rock fan, are you?” 

“Not really, but I can do everything you need. I can clean the store window, count the CDs or fold the t-shirts.”

“Clarke, can I talk to you for a moment?” Kane called the blonde. She nodded and the two went to the stock, leaving Lexa alone.

“Please, Marcus. She has two kids.” Clarke begged. 

“But Clarke, I don’t need a salesperson. There is already Murphy coming here every once in a while.” Marcus objected. 

“She needs some money. Please, Marcus, she could be me.”

“I didn’t know you are planning to become a single mother.” 

“Marcus, I’m serious!” Clarke retorted, hitting the man’s arm and making puppy eyes. She knew he couldn’t resist those gaze. Marcus sighed. He headed towards Lexa and reached her.

“All right, girl. You will start on Monday, at nine o’clock in the morning. Be sure you won’t be late.”. A huge smile appeared on Lexa’s lips.

“Thank you, sir. I... I will be on time. I won’t disappoint you, sir.” she said. She was so relieved. Lexa gazed at Clarke. The blonde was smiling at her. Lexa felt so grateful. In that moment, the idea of a new start stopped being hope and became pure and relieving reality.


	4. 3.New Kid In Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets the gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I want to thank you for all the comments and kudos. Really, I didn’t expect such amazing reactions, so thank you.   
> In this chapter I will introduce some other characters, I hope you like it. Some of you may feel uncomfortable about Madi’s behavior and I know she can seem exaggerated. She is, indeed, but everything will be clear, I promise. 
> 
> So, I won’t annoy you more. I hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think!
> 
> See you next week!

**3**.

> _Everybody's talking 'bout the new kid in town  
>  Everybody's walking like the new kid in town_
> 
> _ (Eagles-New Kid In Town) _

When the doorbell rang, Lexa was still in the bathroom, trying to pull herself together. She didn’t even know how she managed to hear it ringing, Madi was listening to metal music so damn loud. 

“Madi, the door!” she shouted.

“Fuck you, idiot!” the girl replied from her room. Lexa rolled her eyes and she went out of the bathroom. She ran downstairs and opened the door. Raven and Anya greeted her, going in. 

“Are you ready?” the dark blonde asked. 

“Not yet, I need to talk to Madi first. I don’t want her to treat you badly, Raven.” Lexa answered. 

“That’s not really a problem. What about Aden indeed? Where is he?”

“He’s in his bedroom, sleeping. He was so exhausted from the move, that he could fall asleep despite all this noise from Madi’s room.” Lexa explained. She then begged the two to wait for her as she was going to talk with the older kid. She knew Madi didn’t like her, it wasn’t a secret. She hated the idea of moving and now she would have hated her more for that night. And Lexa couldn’t help, but feel a bit guilty. She was going out with her half-unknown sister in order to meet some new people, leaving her kid alone with a perfect stranger and a sleepy five years old child. She sighed and knocked at Madi’s door.

“Go away, idiot.” the girl cried. 

“Please, I need to talk.” Lexa insisted. She could hear a snort, sign that she could enter the room. When she faced the girl, Lexa almost froze. Madi was on her bed, listening her music loud. The brunette didn’t know what band she was actually listening to - for her they were all the same - all she could hear was screams and a lot of noise. 

“What do you want?” Madi asked, no kindness in her voice. 

“Can you turn off the music for a moment, please? I can’t talk.”. In response, the teenager turned up the volume. Lexa clenched her fists. She couldn’t be angry. That wasn’t the time for it. 

“Please.”. The girl surrendered. When she couldn’t hear the music anymore, Lexa felt her ears pop. 

“I’m leaving for a couple of hours. Raven will be downstairs if you need anything.” she announced. Madi laughed and Lexa looked at her, without understanding what was going on in her kid’s mind.

“Well, everything is fine, isn’t it? You force us to move to this dead town, you made me throw the phone and the PC, so I can’t even contact my friends, and now you go out in order to have fun leaving me with a fucking babysitter?”. The fifteen years old was mad and Lexa knew she had the right to feel like this. 

“Madi I’m...”

“Don’t even say that. Go out from my room!” Madi shouted. Lexa sighed and nodded without saying anything. She walked away and closed the door. She went downstairs, wiping tears on her face with her right hand. 

“We can go. Raven, I haven’t a phone, if something happens...”

“I will call Anya, don’t worry.” Raven reassured her. Lexa seemed a bit relieved and followed her sister to the car. Fridays in Shallow Valley were so different from the ones in Polis. In the city, streets were full of people during the weekends. There were a lot of pubs and clubs and Lexa used to spend the entire weekends there. Shallow Valley was different. There was almost no one in the street, maybe because of the really cold weather. Anya had told her that probably it would have snowed the next days. Lexa was curious. It used to snow in Polis, but rarely the snow wrapped the city in a white blanket. 

“Here we are. How do you feel?” Anya asked, parking the car. 

“A bit anxious. I don’t know if I’m ready to know my brother yet.” Lexa admitted. Anya smiled and patted her shoulder. She wanted to reassure her sister.

“Lincoln is a very good guy. And my friends are too.”. The brunette took a deep breath.

“So, let’s go.” she whispered, going out of the car. Anya and Lexa walked for a while, until they reached what seemed a very nice café. Anya opened the door and invited her sister to go inside. The place was warming and beautiful. Anya guided her sister to a table where there were some people gathering. She immediately recognized the police officer who had helped her the previous day. 

“Hi guys! This is Lexa, my sister! And Lincoln’s too, of course.” Anya introduced her. Lexa waved her hand in a very shy way. 

“Hello Lexa!” a big bald guy greeted her. He had dark skin and he was really muscular. “My name is Lincoln. I am your brother.”. Lexa realized she was holding her breath. 

“H-hi.” she babbled, embarrassed. Lincoln stood up and hugged her. He seemed really happy to have found her.

“It’s an honor, Lexa. It’s beautiful to know our family is bigger than we knew.” he whispered. Lexa swallowed, not knowing what to say. 

“Okay, Lincoln stop! You’re choking her. Let the others introduce themselves, please.” Anya told her brother, inviting him to sit down again. Lexa stayed still, shyly looking at her siblings’ friends. 

“Hi, do you remember me? I’m Jasper, the police officer who had helped you yesterday.”. Lexa smiled. Of course she remembered him. 

“How do you know her, Jasper?” Anya questioned, curious.

“She asked for information yesterday and I gave it.” Jasper explained, a bit of pride in his voice. Lexa thought that he should have been a really kind guy. She watched him while he was ravaging in his jacket, looking for something. He took out of the pocket some photos and gave them to her.

“Jasper...” Lincoln muttered, but Lexa made him understand that everything was fine. Jasper smiled as she grabbed the photos. They pictured a beautiful young woman, with chocolate eyes and a wonderful smile. 

“She is my girlfriend. She is at home now.” Jasper explained. Lexa nodded and gave the pictured to him again. Something was strange, but she didn’t ask anything. A sudden and unreal silence wrapped them all. The guy next to Jasper stood up and stretched his hand to Lexa. He had dark hair and brown eyes. 

“Well, it’s a pleasure Lexa. My name is Bellamy Blake. I work as a journalist for the local newspaper.” he introduced himself. “And these two are Monty Green and her girlfriend Harper McIntyre.”. The Asian man and the blonde woman next to him waved her hello and smiled at Lexa.

“I am a computer consultant for the police station.” Monty said. 

“And I am a nurse.” Harper introduced herself. Lexa seemed to relax a bit and sat down. 

“Do you know where Octavia and Clarke are?” Anya asked, while she was reading the menu to order something to drink for her sister and her. 

“Late as usual.” Bellamy answered, laughing. 

“She texted me. They’re almost here, they are with Wells.” Harper explained. Anya was going to order, when the door opened and three guys entered the cafe. Lexa recognized Clarke and waved her hand in greeting. The other two, a man and a woman, were unknown to her. She guessed they should be Wells and Octavia. They reached the group and sat down, ordering some beer.

“Guys, where the hell were you?” Bellamy welcomed them.

“Her fault.” Wells and Octavia answered in chorus, pointing at Clarke.

“It isn’t fair.” the blonde tried to defend herself.

“Clarke, there was a fire in the oven.” Octavia replied, grinning. The doctor snorted.

“Okay, maybe it was my fault.” she admitted, finally. Everybody laughed. Then, Octavia turned to Lexa and looked at her. 

“Hi! My name is Octavia Blake, I am Bellamy’s sister and Anya’s partner at work. You should be the reason why she left me alone managing the strange case of the vanished Kara Cooper’s chicken yesterday.”

“Again?” Anya exclaimed. She couldn’t believe it. Almost once a month, someone used to hide one of the Kara Cooper’s chickens, freeing it just few hours later. Octavia and she had always suspected of Michael Vinson, her strange and creepy neighbor. Not like Kara Cooper was so normal, after all. 

“Let me understand. Did you spend your day looking for a stolen chicken?” Lexa asked. 

“Not a stolen chicken, but _the_ stolen chicken.” Octavia pointed out, drinking a sip of beer. 

“Someone has fun hiding chickens to that woman. It’s been going on for a while.” Lincoln explained to her sister.

“To be exact, a year and a half”. Jasper clarified. The whole group started to laugh, thinking of Kara Cooper and her poor chickens. Then, it was Wells’ turn to introduce himself.

“My name is Wells Jaha.” he stated, gently. He was very kind.

“Better know as _Church-boy_.”

“Shut up, Lincoln!” Anya cut him off.

“I am a baker, but my father is the pastor in this town, so they gave me that stupid moniker.”. Lexa nodded in understanding. 

“And what about you, Lexa? Anya told us you come from Polis. Why leaving such a cool city for a small town like Shallow Valley?” Harper asked, curious. The brunette sighed. She couldn’t tell them the whole truth, she was aware of this. Not with four people working for the police sat at that table, at least.

“Well, you know, the day before you live happily in a big city with your family and friends and the day after you are alone with two kids to provide to. I needed to start again, guys. I was choking in Polis, I was so scared to...”. She stopped talking for a while. She pondered the words she wanted to use. 

“I needed someone by my side. I found out about Anya and Lincoln and I decided to reach them here. They helped me renting the house next to Anya’s and helped me with the move. That’s all.”. Lexa bowed her head. She noticed that Clarke was smiling at her, like she wanted to comfort her. 

“But how was it possible for you to don’t know about each other?” Octavia asked.

“I can answer to this.” Anya said. “Lincoln and I are the children of our father and her first wife. When she died, he married Lexa’s mother. They both died in a car crash when I was only three. Lincoln was one and Lexa was just born. Lincoln and I were adopted by uncle Nyko, while Lexa was fostered by some relatives from her mother’s side.” the detective explained. 

“And why do you know this?” Lincoln asked, confused.

“When Lexa contacted me the first time, I went to uncle Nyko and I asked him about her, simple.” his sister answered him. 

“Lexa, do you know that Bellamy has a kid too? She should be the same age of Madi.” Clarke suddenly changed the topic, noticing that the brunette was starting to feel uncomfortable. Lexa turned to Bellamy, who nodded.

“Her name is Charlotte, she is fifteen. Echo and I adopted her six years ago.”

“And how is she? I mean, Madi basically hates me. Aden is different, he loves me, but that girl... Guys, she is so complicated.”

“Maybe you could arrange a meeting. Charlotte is a good girl and she will be a great friend for Madi. They will attend the same classes too at school.” Clarke suggested. 

“Yes, it would be cool.” Bellamy claimed. Lexa scratched the back of her head. She was tense. Madi needed a friend , she knew it, but at the same time she also knew that the girl was too angry to accept someone in her life. 

“Maybe we could try.” she muttered, finally relaxing. She took a sip of her drink and then she started chatting with the others. They kept talking for another our, then it was time to go. Anya and Lexa stood up and went to the door, when Clarke reached them. 

“Anya, can you give me a lift? O won’t come home tonight.” she asked, pointing at Octavia chatting with one tall guy, probably the bartender. Lexa noticed that Lincoln was watching the two, sad. 

“Yes, Clarke. Let’s go, girls!”. Once in the car, the blonde thought that she would have liked to know something more about the brunette, but she wasn’t brave enough to ask more questions.

“Clarke, thank you for suggesting of Charlotte. Maybe it will work.”

“It’s the bare minimum, Lexa. You have just moved and Madi probably miss her friends. She will like Charlotte.” Clarke replied. When they arrived at her place, the blonde waved goodbye and let the Woods go back home. She went to bed, but she couldn’t sleep, too many questions in her mind. What was the real reason that had pushed Lexa to move from Polis? It was obvious that she didn’t tell the whole truth at the café. And why didn’t she have a phone? She had asked her number that afternoon, but she had confessed she didn’t own a mobile. She sighed. Too many questions and no answers on the horizon. One thing was sure: insomnia would have been her best friend that night.


	5. 4.Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of school for the kids and of work for Lexa. Madi and Clarke meet, while Aden is cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! How are you? I hope you’re doing fine.  
> Yes, I know, I normally update on Friday, but this is Christmas week, so I decided to give you two chapters this week! I hope you like the idea.
> 
> So, this is a Madi-centric chapter. Someone could find her exaggerated and she is indeed. Madi is an angry teen who misses her home, friends and mom (you will find later who she is). Give her a chance, maybe she will change a bit. Maybe.
> 
> As always, English is not my first language, so don’t be afraid to correct my eventual mistakes. 
> 
> See you on Friday!

** 4. **

> _Alarms will sound_  
>  _But it's too late for holy water now_  
>  _Sooner or later the fire dies down_  
>  _I'll open my eyes again_
> 
> _(Sleeping At Last-Anger)_

If April is the cruelest month of the year, Monday is for sure the cruelest day of the week. At least, this was what Madi was thinking in that moment. She had set her alarm in order to wake up at seven, but for some reasons unknown to her it didn’t work.

“Madi! Madi, wake up! It’s so late!” Lexa shouted. The girl rolled her eyes and snorted. She definitely didn’t want to go to school. 

“Madi!” Lexa insisted.

“Yeah, give me one moment.” the girl said, yawning. She got up and went to the bathroom. Then, she went downstairs and opened the fridge, in order to have breakfast. 

“Madi, go dress yourself! We’re late!” Lexa ordered, closing the fridge.

“But...”

“Please! I can’t be late on my first day. And you neither.”. Madi snorted and ran upstairs. When Lexa saw her again, she realized that her kids needed some winter clothes. The girl wore some jeans and a really light hoodie and she had a pair of Converse on her feet, definitely something not suitable for winters in Shallow Valley.

“You will freeze. This weekend we’re going shopping. You need some jumpers and new shoes.” Lexa told her, taking Aden’s hand and walking him outside. The trio got in the car and Lexa started driving to school. 

“Aden’s kindergarten is next to your school. Your classes end up at half past two, please remember to go fetch your brother at three. Then, you’ll walk to the store. Is everything clear?”. Madi nodded, bored. She shook her head. 

“What was that?” Lexa asked. The girl turned to the woman, looking at her with an indecipherable gaze.

“I can’t believe that you’re gonna work in a music store selling metal CDs. Maybe it’s the proof karma exists.” she said, almost laughing. Lexa rolled her eyes. 

“I won’t be that bad. I just have to sell things, it won’t be difficult.” she replied. 

“I’ll ask you some really basic questions. Are you ready, idiot?”. Lexa nodded, not understanding well what Madi wanted to do.

“Okay, first question: who is Ozzy Osbourne?”. Lexa opened her mouth, but she didn’t know the answer. She felt so stupid.

“He is the founder of Black Sabbath, you ignorant.”. Lexa felt humiliated. “Second chance: what band wrote _Enter Sandman_?”

“Iron Maiden?” the woman tried. Madi couldn’t believe her ears. 

“You’re the most ignorant person on the face of Earth, don’t you know? Metallica wrote that song!”. Lexa bowed her head. She knew music was sacred for the fifteen years old and that knowing a bit about it would had meant being able to get in touch with her. She sighed. Madi’s mother was the metalhead, while Lexa had never had time for hobbies. A solitary tear wet her cheek and the woman immediately wiped it. 

“Here we are. See you later.” she said, helping Aden to get out of the car. Madi thought that maybe she had exaggerated too much.

“Lexa, I...” she tried to say, but the woman stopped her. 

“I’m fine. Please, walk Aden to school, I have to go. See you later, kids!”. The girl watched the car vanishing on the horizon, almost hypnotized. A tiny voice called her, waking her.

"Why do you always treat mama so bad?” Aden asked, sad. Madi grabbed his hand and started walking. 

“She deserves it. And she’s not our parent, at all.”. The child looked at her with an angry face.

“She is a good person and mommy used to say that good people need to be treated well! And she is our mama!” he replied. Madi sighed. She stopped walking and bent down at her brother’s height.

“Aden, listen to me. I know you like her, but she isn’t a good person. It’s complicated, you can’t understand. You’re just a child, after all. Oh, and we had a mother and she wasn’t her. Lexa is nobody to us.” she told the child. Aden burst into tears and started running away. Madi panicked. She saw her brother going away from her and she didn’t know what to do. She followed him, trying to stop him, when Aden bumped into someone. He looked up. In front of him there was a tall woman with dark blonde hair and an intimidating gaze. “What’s the problem here?” the woman asked the child, her voice unexpectedly sweet.

“My sister... She hates our mama.” Aden explained, pointing out Madi. The teen swallowed, feeling guilty. 

“You should be in class. Go. I will walk him to kindergarten.” the woman said. Madi opened her mouth to object, but she couldn’t speak. It was clear that that woman was a teacher and she didn’t want to get trouble. Not more then what she had already got, at least. She entered the school door. She smiled. Memories of her first day of school popped out in her mind. She was seven years old and she didn’t want to go to school. Her mom had looked at her and had told her that she needed to be brave and walk through that doors, like one of the heroes from her favorite stories. She sighed. She missed her so much.

“Hey, watch your step!”. Madi found herself on the floor, books all over her. A thin blonde girl stood in front of her, in pain.

“Sorry, I was lost in thoughts, I didn’t want to...” 

“Hey, hey, keep calm. I’m not angry.” the girl reassured her, stretching her hand and helping her to get on her feet. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yes, nothing’s broken.” Madi answered. The girl should be more or less her age. She was a bit taller than her and she seemed kind, even if a bit insecure.

“I’m Charlotte, by the way. I’ve never seen you around.” 

“That’s because I’m new in town. I’ve just moved from Polis.” Madi explained. Charlotte smiled to her. She seemed fascinated to the idea of someone coming from a big city.

“Nice to meet you, Madi. Well, do you need help with the classes?”

* * *

“Are you okay, Lexa?” Marcus asked, a bit concerned. It was her first day of work, but she wasn’t excited at all. She seemed worried, almost afraid of something. Marcus was a former detective and he knew to understand people really well. He didn’t want to scare the woman though. It was clear that something was concerning her, but it was none of his business, he was aware of that.

“Yes, I was just overthinking a bit.” Lexa said, sadness in her voice. The man patted her shoulder. The woman turned to him. Kane was very kind and she didn’t want to bother him, not with stupid and useless thoughts. 

“I was just thinking how I am out of place here. I don’t know anything about metal and music in general and today my dau-...”. She stopped for a while. “I meant... My kid made me notice that.”. Marcus didn’t ask her why she had changed the word  _ daughter _ into  _ kid _ . It was none of his business, he repeated to himself.

“Does she listen to metal music?” he asked. Lexa smiled.

“Yes, she loves it. She used to go to concerts with my... With her...”. She couldn’t cry. She was strong and she couldn’t appear weak. Kane seemed to understand. 

“Maybe I can teach you about rock and metal music, so you can work in a better way and, at the same time, your kid will change her mind on you.”. Lexa nodded. She breathed in relief. Maybe everything would have been fine in Shallow Valley. She hoped so. She needed to hope so.

* * *

It was almost lunchtime and Madi was so bored. She hated school. Learning things was useless for her.  _ All you need in this world is a good pair of legs in order to run away from cops,  _ a friend of her mom once had told her. His name was Ilian and it wasn’t really a smart guy, but he was kind and always there when she and Aden needed something. Madi missed him. She missed home.

“Hey! What about having lunch together?” Charlotte suggested, distracting her from her thoughts. Madi didn’t know what to do. She wanted to have lunch with someone, but at the same time she didn’t. She moved her hand through her hair. 

“Okay, it’s fine. See you around Madi.” Charlotte said, walking to the door. The brunette suddenly stood up and reached the blonde teen. 

“Wait! I will have lunch with you, if you allow me. Sorry, I am just... You know, everything’s new here for me, I need some time to adjust.” Madi told her. Charlotte nodded in understanding and guided her to the cafeteria. They ate almost in silence, sometimes Charlotte asked Madi some questions, but the brunette answered vaguely. 

“I need to meet the basketball coach later.” Madi stated. 

“Oh, great! We need another player, someone who can give enthusiasm to our team.” Charlotte exulted. Madi faked a smile. She didn’t really want to play basketball, it was more a Lexa’s idea. The woman was a great supporter of _Boston Celtics_ and she loved basketball, so Madi had found herself on a parquet with an orange ball in her hands. However, moving to Shallow Valley meant for Lexa a change of mind. She wanted the girl to stop playing, this was the reason why Madi needed to talk with the coach. Charlotte seemed deluded to that information.

“Lexa doesn’t want me to play anymore, she didn’t tell me why. I will practice if it’s possible, but I play no game.” 

“Is Lexa your guardian?” Charlotte asked, trying to be more delicate as possible. Madi sighed.

“A kind of. It’s complicated.” she answered. She didn’t want to share too much of her. She liked Charlotte, she was really kind, but she didn’t know her. She couldn’t trust her, not too much. 

“Here we are, this is where we practice. Don’t worry, the coach can seem intimidating, but she is a really good person. She has a sweet side that constantly tries to hide.”. Madi frowned.

“You are talking like you know her really well.”

“Of course, she is my mother.”. Madi opened her eyes in shock.

“She is what?”. Charlotte couldn’t answer. A tall and intimidating woman entered the room, suddenly. Madi froze. She recognized her immediately.

“Oh, that’s surprising. Your brother is fine, though.”.

* * *

Clarke entered the store, unexpectedly. Marcus greeted her and hugged her. Lexa still had not really understood what kind of relationship was between the two. 

“Hi Clarke! How are you?” 

“I’m exhausted. My shift ended later than usual, we had a problem with a patient. But what about you, Lexa? Is she working, Marcus?” Clarke asked, poking Lexa a bit. The brunette smiled. Everything felt so familiar, it was something she hadn’t felt for a very long time.

“She has been working well. She still confuses Megadeth and Motörhead, but she will learn.” Marcus told her. Clarke laughed and Lexa could nothing, but notice how beautiful the blondes’ laugh was. Her green eyes met Clarke’s blue irises and she could feel her breath growing heavy. She had never been more happy to see Madi and Aden. Their coming was providential. 

“Hi dear, how was your day?” Lexa asked Aden, who sat on her mama’s lap. 

“Fine, my school is beautiful, the teacher is great and Madi told me that you aren’t a good person, but I didn’t believe her.”. Lexa turned to the girl. Madi snorted, but she didn’t say anything. Lexa groaned and decided to ignore it all.

“Kids, let me introduce you Clarke and Marcus.” she said. Aden smiled happily, recognizing the blond.

“You remember me, don’t you? I’m Raven’s friend.” 

“Yes, you are  _Clack_ .”

“More or less, little man.” Clarke laughed. She turned to Madi. The girl looked at her, with a gaze full of hate and anger. The blonde reached her and stretched her hand, blue meeting blue. The girl shook her hand in response, faking a smile.

“Hi, I’m Clarke. Nice to meet you.”

“Madi.” The teenager said, cold. “What do you do for a living?” she asked. 

“I am a doctor, I work in E.R.” Clarke answered, trying to appear calm and quiet. Somehow, that girl reminded her of herself. At the same time, Madi was trying to keep from exploding. She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe Lexa was already flirting with someone who wasn’t her mother. If possible, Madi hated Lexa more that day. She hated her fake mother. She hated Clarke. She hated that place. She hated her life.


	6. 5.Lost In The Valley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Madi meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to everyone, guys! I hope you can spend this day with your beloved ones, despite this damned virus. Stay safe!
> 
> In this chapter, Madi and Clarke meet again and we can see the girl in a different light. She isn’t a bad person, she just needs someone she can trust. 
> 
> Thank you for all the amazing comments and for the kudos. Again, I didn’t expect such a reaction and I am really happy you are enjoying this story. 
> 
> See you next week!

** 5. **

> _Tell me when I can start again  
>  I’ll get it right this time_
> 
> _ (Caitlin Canty-Lost In The Valley) _

Clarke woke up and stirred, yawning. It was nine in the morning and she hadn’t to go to work until three. She got up and went to the bathroom. She slowly got undressed and she went into the shower. She welcomed the hot water streaming on her body. When she came out of the cabin, she wrapped herself in a towel and went to kitchen. She put some water in the microwave and set the timer for two minutes. After having dressed herself, she put some tea in the hot water and brought some biscuits from the pantry. She sat at the table, a towel still wrapped around her hair, and started having breakfast. When she was done, she dried her hair and cleaned the bathroom. Then she decided to relax on the sofa. She took a book from her shelf and started reading.  _It_ by Stephen King, her favorite author.  _God, I’m a fucking cliché, a girl from a small town reading a book about a small town_ , she thought. Clarke Griffin had always lived in Shallow Valley. Like the vast majority of the town’s inhabitants, her parents came from there and also the parents of her parents did. Her mother, Abby, was a surgeon working in Shallow Valley’s hospital, while his father Jake had worked as a detective since his own death. Clarke was only sixteen at that time and she had to thank her mother and her friends if she could face what had happened without drowning in grief. After High School, she decided to become a doctor too, like her mother. She won a merit scholarship at New York University and moved there, coming back to Shallow Valley after her graduation. Like Raven, she really missed her hometown. However, once home, she decided to move from her family house to a new apartment, living with Octavia Blake, starting a new life. The Blake Brothers had always been, with Raven and Jasper, two of her best friends. She loved living with Octavia. She could seem a really tough and cold girl at a first sight, but she truly was a good-hearted woman, a great and dedicated friend. Clarke sighed. She had missed her friends in New York. Her phone ringing made her come back to reality. She unlocked the display and answered the call, going to her bedroom.

“Raven? What’s the matter?”

“ _ Oh, I just wanted to know how you’re going, Griffin. _ ” her friend explained her. “ _Are you going to help with the preparation today? Or are you going to act lazy and run from your responsibilities?_ ”. Clarke sat on her bed, laughing. 

“I have to work today, it’s Wednesday. Anyway, I didn’t know Sinclair allowed you to phone your friends while working.” she said. 

“ _Allowing me to phone my friends is the only thing he can do at the moment, since I am working on the computer system for the Foundation Day. Alone. Outside. For him._ ”. Clarke laughed again. 

“I am inside my home instead.” she stated. 

“ _Well, lucky you. I am freezing. I think it’s gonna snow today, Clarke. Really, if I become an ice cube, tell Anya I love her._ ”

“I’ll do it.” Clarke promised, hand on her heart. She loved that playful side of Raven. She could be really cold and insecure with strangers, but when she was with her friends, the brunette used to open up a lot. 

“By the way, how is Anya? It should be strange finding out you have a sister.” Clarke reflected.

“ _Yes, it is, but Anya feels well. She often argue with Madi, that girl is the Devil incarnate, Clarke. She always yells at her mother, she cusses a lot, she listens to music out loud. She has no respect for others._ ” Raven explained. Clarke hummed. 

“Maybe she just needs some time to adjust.” 

“ _Maybe._ ”. Clarke wanted to ask her friend something else, when she heard a sudden noise coming from the living room. 

“Raven, I have to go. I think that Spike is playing again with our rug.” she stated.

“ _That stupid dog. Well, have a nice day! Bye!_ ”

“Bye!”. Clarke ended the call and went to the living room. She froze. In front of her there wasn’t Spike, but a dark hair girl with incredible and familiar blue eyes. 

“M-Madi? What are you doing here?”. The teen opened her eyes in shock. She began hyperventilating.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit!” she repetitively cussed, while moving backwards to the door. She bumped a vase, making it fall on the floor. The noise of the broken porcelainmade her flinch. 

“Don’t move! There is broken porcelain everywhere, you will hurt.” Clarke stated. 

“Please, don’t tell Lexa.” Madi whined. The woman groaned. Of course she would have told her, but at the moment she needed the girl to keep calm.

“Maybe. Don’t move. I don’t want you to be hurt, okay?”. Madi nodded.

“Good girl. Stay there.”. The teen watched Clarke disappearing in one the rooms, coming back just few minutes later with a broom. The woman swept up the floor from the broken porcelain, allowing Madi to move again. As the last broken piece was picked up by the blonde, the fifteen years old tried to open the door and run away, but Clarke stopped her, taking her wrist. Immediately, Madi felt her breath becoming heavier even than before. Clarke understood, she was a doctor after all. The teen in front of her was having a really bad panic attack. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, I promise. Come on, let’s sit on the sofa.”. She helped her sitting down and she kneeled in front of her, making eye contact with the girl. 

“Breath with me, honey. Follow me.” she whispered, helping Madi to calm down. 

“Yes, you’re doing great. Good girl.”. Madi’s breath finally became normal again. Clarke sat next to her and smiled at her. She rubbed her back with gentle touches. Madi allowed herself to cry, letting big tears wetting her cheeks. Clarke caressed her hair and waited for her to calm. 

“Don’t tell Lexa, please.” the teen begged. Clarke sighed. She couldn’t hide what had just happened. It wouldn’t have been fair. 

“I can’t, you know. I’m sorry honey, but Lexa deserves to know that you didn’t go to school.”. Madi swallowed. She was in big troubles, she knew it. 

“Please, she will kill me.” she whined. Clarke couldn’t help, but feel a bit uncomfortable.

“Lexa is working her ass really hard for Aden and you. She is a friend of mine, I can’t lie to her.” the blonde replied. She stood up, in order to take her mobile and call Lexa, but seeing Madi shaking as a leaf made her change her mind. What the hell was happening? What was she supposed to do? She sighed. Madi looked terrified. She opened her mouth to tell her that she had won and that she wouldn’t have phoned her mother, when the cell rang. Lexa was calling her.  Fantastic , she thought. Madi was starting hyperventilating again. 

“Keep calm, I’ll manage it.” the blonde reassured the teen. She unlocked the display, anxious.

“Lexa? Is everything alright?” she asked.

“ _No, it isn’t, at all. Madi isn’t at school._ ” Lexa answered, panicking. Clarke turned to Madi. She was shaking her head, mimicking the word no with her mouth. The doctor scratched her head. She was trapped. 

“Yes, Lexa, I know. In fact, she is here.”

“ _What? Why?_ ” Lexa asked, confused. Clarke saw Madi gulping and shaking again. She closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe she was really doing that. 

“Yes, she... She came to me.”. The blonde gazed at Madi. The teen couldn’t believe it. She had begged her and in returns she had obtained nothing. Clarke sighed. The girl was going to have another panic attack, it was evident.

“She was sick, Lexa. She didn’t know what to do and some way she managed to have my address. She didn’t want you to know, but I was going to call you at the store. I’m sorry you panicked.”. It wasn’t totally a lie. At least, this was what Clarke was repeating to herself. “I will bring her home before going to work. Do you need me to go and fetch Aden too?”. Clarke heard Lexa humming something on the other side of the phone. 

“ _He finishes school at three._ ” she said. “ _It is too late for you, isn’t it?_ ”.

“My shift starts at three, but maybe I can go and pick him a bit earlier.” Clarke suggested. 

“ _Yes, I will call the school. Thank you Clarke, really. And tell Madi that I..._ ”. She stopped. No, she couldn’t say that on the phone. “ _Tell her she doesn’t have to be afraid of telling me she is sick._ ”

“I will.” Clarke promised.

“ _Thank you. Bye, Clarke._ ” 

“Bye Lexa.”. The call ended and Clarke felt the need to sat down. She looked at Madi. She was breathing in relief. She couldn’t believe that Clarke had really helped her. She watched the blonde walking to her and sitting next to her. She swallowed. 

“I... Thank you for backing me.” she murmured. 

“You’re welcome. I hope she will never find the truth, I don’t want her to cut my head because of you.”. Madi laughed a bit, thinking of Lexa cutting people’s head like the Red Queen in  Alice in Wonderland . She loved that book, her mom used to read it to her. 

“Now, please, tell me what you were doing here and how the hell it came in your mind to enter a detective’s house.”. Madi didn’t understand well.

“D-detective?” she babbled. Clarke nodded.

“I live with Octavia, Anya’s partner. You’re lucky she is at work, she wouldn’t have been so stupid to help you. What did you want to do? Steal? You’re not in Polis, honey. Everyone knows everyone here and, trust me, everyone would have understood that it would have been you. Do you know why? Because everyone in this town knows that Octavia lives here. Everyone, but you.”. Madi bowed her head in shame. Clarke was right. What the hell had she wanted to do? She didn’t know. Not anymore.

“I’m sorry.” she whined. Clarke sighed and hugged her. She didn’t know why, but she could empathize with that girl. She cradled her, gently.

“It’s okay, Madi. Just... Don’t do it again. Why aren’t you at school?”. Madi looked away, but Clarke cupped her cheeks, forcing the teen to look at her. Blue met blue again and the blonde couldn’t help, but smile at the girl. She needed her to trust her and open up. 

“How are you, Madi? I can’t imagine how hard it should have been for you moving from a big city like Polis to a small town like Shallow Valley.”. Madi sighed. She didn’t expect such a question. She didn’t expect someone to care about her feelings. She felt the salty taste of tears invading her mouth. She was crying again.

“Madi, you’re safe here. Please, talk to me. I won’t tell anything to Lexa, I swear.” Clarke insisted.

“I miss home. I miss my friends." Madi confessed. She looked at Clarke. Her gaze was so reassuring. She didn’t know why, but she felt she could trust her. “I miss my mom.”. She had never said it out loud. She had never admitted it to someone else. Clarke hugged her. She didn’t understand. Wasn’t Lexa her mother? She gently rubbed Madi’s back. She wanted to ask her what she meant, but she didn’t want to push the girl too far. She didn’t want to scare her. 

“Why did you help me?”. Clarke didn’t expect such a question. She caressed Madi’s hair, brushing it over her ear. 

“I don’t know. Maybe I thought you need a friend who backs you. But don’t ask me to lie to Lexa again, please. I care about her, she is a friend to me, too. And friends don’t lie.”. Madi listened closely.  Friends don’t lie , she had never believed to such a statement.  Friends do lie , this was her experience.  Everyone does lie , this was what she had learned in her fifteen years long life.  People do lie, people do use people , this was everything she had ever learned. 

“So, you and Lexa...” she started, insecure.

“We are just friends, Madi.” Clarke told her, guessing what her concern should be. She saw the girl breathing in relief. She hugged her again. Madi smiled. A friend who would have backed her, she had never thought to find someone who could be that to her. She closed her eyes, lost in that embrace, a feeling she had not experienced for a very long time. Maybe Clarke wasn’t that bad, after all. 


	7. 6.The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets John Murphy and Clarke wants to ask her something. Finn shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, happy new year!! I hope it will be better than 2021 and that it will bring you everything you want and deserve. 
> 
> In this chapter Lexa meets Finn and well, the tag is clear, he is an asshole and she definitely won’t like him.  
> There will also be a dialogue between Jasper and Clarke that maybe you will find a bit strange. Don’t worry, I wrote it like that on purpose, everything will be clear.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter, please let me know what you think of it and of the story.
> 
> I want to thank you all for the comments and the kudos. If 2020 gave me something, it was the courage to start writing again and the fact that you are enjoying my story makes me really happy.
> 
> See you next week!

** 6. **

> _This is the beginning  
>  This is a fire and you're the only spark  
>  _
> 
> _(Startisan-The Beginning)_

Clarke was freezing. She was walking through the hospital’s parking, trying to find her car. It was always the same old story. Every morning she parked her car and then, when she finished her shift, she realized she had forgot where she had put her car. She sighed. She needed to find it or she would have been late. 

“Clarke! Do you need help?” a young doctor asked her, guessing what the problem was.

“I’d like to say no, Jackson, but the truth is that yes, I need help. I can’t found my car, again.”. Her colleague laughed and pointed a grey car parked not far from them. 

“Oh.” Clarke muttered, ashamed. 

“It’s always a pleasure. See you tomorrow, doctor Griffin.” 

“Bye Jackson!” Clarke said goodbye to him, getting in the car. She checked her watch. It was really late. She drove her car through the narrow streets of Shallow Valley, paying attention to avoid a car crash. She parked her car and started walking, hoping to find it once the night would have been over. She finally arrived at the cafe. _Callie’s Cafe_ was her favorite place in the world. She had spent the whole teenage years there. Callie was her mom’s best friend and she was like an aunt for Clarke and her friends. They used to go there every Friday and that was the place where Lexa had known almost the whole gang the previous week. 

“Jasper, you’re already here! How are you?” the blonde greeted her friend, entered the door. 

“Hi Clarke. I’m fine, thank you. Don’t you ask me how Maya is?”. Clarke swallowed. 

“Oh, yes, of course. How is Maya, Jasper?” she asked with a trembling voice.Jasper smiled hearing that name. She loved her. She wanted her friends to remember and include her.

“She’s fine. We are so in love, Clarke. I love her so much.”

“I know, Jasper. I know.” Clarke hugged him. She sat next to him and ordered something to drink.

“Who are we waiting for tonight?” Jasper asked. It was Thursday, it meant that only few of them would have met that night.

“Anya, Raven, Lexa, Octavia and John. Is it okay for you?”. Jasper nodded, satisfied. They waited a bit and Clarke went to the counter and greeted Callie. The woman welcomed her, so happy to see her. 

“How are you, Clarke? It’s been ages since we last met. You always come here on Friday night, when there is only Atom.” the oldest woman told her. 

“I am fine. It’s just... You know, it’s hard to see him like this.” Clarke answered, pointing Jasper. 

“I know, my dear. I know.”. The blonde got lost in Callie’s hug. When she saw Lexa, Raven and Anya arriving, she reached them. After few minutes, Octavia and John arrived too. Lexa had never met him, she only knew he had repaired her boiler while she was at work. John was a strange guy, he was really playful and ironic, but at the same time Lexa thought he didn’t have much self-esteem. She learnt that his parents were farmers, owning a farm near Shallow Valley. His dad had died because of a fatal incident with is tractor and his mother had started blaming John for that, telling him he had distracted the man while playing. At the age of sixteen Murphy moved to Shallow Valley and started living to the Blakes. After High School he moved to a new apartment with Emori, his girlfriend, but struggled to find a job. He stayed unemployed, working hand-to-mouth. 

“So, Jasper, how was your day?” Octavia asked to her friend. 

“It was great! I helped Mrs Sydney to rescue her cat.” Jasper told her, enthusiastic.

“Is there someone who doesn’t have a problem with animals in this town?” Lexa questioned, causing everybody to laugh. “I am serious.” she insisted, but no one answered her. The night went on well. Octavia and Raven convinced Murphy and Jasper to play pool. Anya decided to support her girlfriend, leaving Lexa and Clarke alone. The brunette bit her lip, a little embarrassed. 

“I still have to thank you for taking care of Madi yesterday.” she said. Clarke took a sip from her glass and gazed at Lexa, with her big blue eyes. 

“Oh, I did nothing special. She was sick, you were working, I...”

“I didn’t buy it at all, Clarke, you know this, don’t you?” Lexa interrupted her. 

“Excuse me?” the blonde acted innocent. Lexa smiled, starting playing with her glass.

“Clarke, I know she wasn’t ill. I myself brought her to school.”. The doctor coughed, as she had tossed her own drink. She panicked.

“Lexa, listen, I...”

“Everything’s all right, Clarke. At least she was with you. Back in Polis, she used to disappear for days. When the phone rang at midnight, I knew she was the police calling because of her. Co-... I mean... Someone always had to go to bring her home. I am grateful she was with you, Clarke. I am also impressed, because she decided to stay with you and you can’t take this for granted. Normally, she doesn’t trust anybody. She doesn’t trust me. So, Clarke, thank you.”. Lexa took a sip of her drink and looked at the blonde in front of her. Clarke bit her lip. She was playing with her hands, trying to calm her down. Lexa understood that she wanted to ask her something, but that she was really nervous to do it. 

“Clarke? What’s the matter?”. The doctor breathed deeply. 

“Yes, I... It’s about Madi. I have some questions about her.". The brunette invited her to continue. Clarke swallowed. She didn’t know how to start.

“Well, so... I know I promised her I wouldn’t have talked about it with you, but she didn’t told me she misses her previous home or her friend. Well, she told me so, but...” 

“Clarke, can you get straight to the point? I can’t understand what you are talking about.” Lexa told her, confused. The blonde blushed.

“Yes, of course. So, she told me she really misses her...”

“Clarke!”. That voice. That annoying and hateful voice. The two women turned. A guy with dark hair was staring at them, a grin on his face. 

“Finn, bye.” Clarke greeted him, inviting him to go away. The guy sat next to her, ignoring what she had just told him. 

“Oh, c’mon Clarke. I just wanted to offer you something.” he insisted. 

“But I don’t want anything from you. Go away.” Clarke said, getting angry. Finn took her wrist and got closer, when someone pulled him from her. He turned and saw two green eyes fathoming him.

“Let her go.” Lexa hissed through her teeth. Finn burst in laugh.

“Who is she, Clarke? Is she your bodyguard?” he asked rhetorically, laughing out loud. He turned to his friends, a blonde guy and a woman. 

“Finn, leave them alone or tomorrow I will ask Pike to make you working traffic!” Anya shouted him, furious. The small group had in fact noticed what was going on at their table. Finn stopped laughing. 

“I just wanted to offer something to Clarke, I didn’t know it was a crime.” he joked, in a way that Lexa found really annoying. Clarke sighed. She clenched her fists. She hated Finn Collins. Accepting a date with him had been one of her greatest mistakes in her life. He was a police officer, the sheriff Pike’s boy. He was a selfish and arrogant guy, who believed that he had the right to have everything. Clarke turned to her friends. She sighed. 

“Raven, Anya, bring Jasper home, please.”. Raven shook her head. 

“But Clarke...”

“Please, Raven!” the blonde insisted. “I will bring Lexa home, but please.” Clarke begged. Raven gazed at her girlfriend. They knew Clarke was right. They had to bring Jasper home.

“Yes, bring that damn freak to the zoo.” Finn said, grinning. Octavia had to stop Murphy before he could attack the police officer. 

“Go with Anya and Raven, John. You know you can’t hit him.” she told him. She loved his friend and she didn’t want to see him in a cell because of a stupid guy. Murphy did as ordered, even if he didn’t want to.He couldn’t end up in prison. Finn Collins wasn’t definitely worth it. He reached his friends, leaving Clarke, Lexa and Octavia with that bunch of idiots.

“What do you want, Finn?” Octavia asked, furious. She hated his colleague. 

“I told you. I just want to offer Clarke a drink. Callie, can you just bring us a beer, please?”. The woman at the counter sighed, shaking her head. She had known Finn since he was a kid. Why he had become such a bully was a mystery to her. She spilled the beer into two big glasses and brought it to them. Lexa watched that scene, fighting the instinct of breaking Finn’s head against a wall. Behind him, his friends were smirking in a way that disgusted her. Clarke looked at her, with really sad eyes. She didn’t want to stay with Finn. She wanted to talk to Lexa. She had to ask her questions about Madi. She just wanted to know that woman better. 

“Finn, let her go.” Octavia ordered, but the officer ignored her. Clarke decided to drink her glass of beer as fast as she could, in order to go away and leave Finn. She tried to stand up, but he forced her to sit again. 

“Finn, for God’s sake, I will arrest you if you don’t let her go.” Octavia threatened him.

“Arrest me? For having done what? Are you feeling uncomfortable, Princess?”. Clarke bit her lip and shook her head. She didn’t want to be a burden to her friends. Also, Finn scared her and she knew that Octavia intervention would have led to him being angrier and more possessive with her. 

“What about leaving this boring place and going to my place?” Finn proposed. Lexa couldn’t take it anymore. She ran against him and punched him in the face, helping Clarke to stand up and hide behind her. Finn touched his face, cleaning his mouth from the blood. He stood up and looked at the brunette with a gaze full of hate. 

“You, fucking bitch! I am a police officer, you can’t touch me!” he shouted. “Monroe, arrest her!” he ordered to her friend. The woman took a pair of handcuffs from her jacket, but Octavia grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

“Nobody will arrest nobody. We are leaving, Finn. Goodnight.” the detective said, inviting Lexa and Clarke to go out of the café. Finn surrendered and allowed them to go to the door. When the three women felt the fresh air hitting their face, they breathed in relief. Lexa was holding to Clarke, who was shaking in fear. Octavia helped her to got in the car.“I’m sorry.” the blonde muttered, almost crying.

“Who was that guy?” Lexa asked, still angry. 

“Just an idiot.” Octavia answered, vaguely. Where did you learn to fight in such a violent way?”. Lexa scratched the back of her head. She didn’t know what to say. Octavia smiled at her.

“It doesn’t matter, Lexa. Thank you for having saved her from that idiot. And you, Clarke, should have allowed me to arrest him. He’s crazy and sooner or later he will harm someone. I don’t care if he is Pike’s boy, I hate him.”. Clarke sighed. She knew Octavia was right, but she couldn’t help, but act that way. She didn’t want Finn to become scarier, she just desires him to leave her alone. 

“Do you feel to drive? I can bring Lexa home, if she wants.”

“I’m okay, O. See you later at home.” Clarke told her. She needed to bring the brunette home. She didn’t want to be crushed by what had just happened. Lexa followed her in the car and sat. Clarke put her hand on the stirring wheel and started the car. She drove in silence, unable to speak. Once at Lexa’s place, she stopped the car and two big tears wetted her cheeks.

“Clarke.” the brunette called her. “It wasn’t your fault. He’s just an idiot.”. Clarke nodded and wiped her eyes. Lexa hugged her, gently. They stayed still, Clarke totally lost in that embrace, for minutes.

“Are you feeling better?” Lexa asked.

“Yes. Thank you, Lexa.” the blonde whispered. The brunette smiled and, without thinking, she left a soft kiss on Clarke’s right cheek. The blonde froze, but tried to mask her shock.

“Goodnight, Clarke.”. The doctor watched her friend leaving the car and going home. She massaged her own cheek, still feeling the sensation of her soft lips on it. 

“Goodnight, Lexa.”


	8. 7.Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and the kids go to their first family lunch ever. Lexa argues with Madi and meets Nyko and Clarke opens up about her father. Aden falls in love with the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, how are you? I hope everyone is fine. I watched the news and saw what happened in Washington. Stay safe, my friends.
> 
> So, in this chapter Lexa and the kids have their first family lunch ever.  
> Please, don’t hate Madi. Everything will be clear at a certain point of the story, even her behavior and why Lexa allows her to act like that. However, she is bonding with Clarke and I think it’s a good thing.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments. I didn’t expect such amazing reaction to this story and I’m very happy that you are enjoying it. Let me know what you think about this chapter and the story, I love reading your reactions.
> 
> See you next week!

** 7. **

> _Our families huddle closely_  
>  _Betting warmth against the cold_  
>  _But our bruises seem to surface_  
>  _Like mud beneath the snow_
> 
>   
>  _(Sleeping At Last-Snow)_

Family lunch, an unknown concept for Lexa, Madi and Aden. They had never had one. Maybe because there was no family to have lunch with. Lexa’s only known relative was her uncle Titus. She wasn’t even sure that he was her uncle at all. On Madi and Aden’s side, they had no one too. Their mom was an orphan and so they had never met their grandparents or their uncles. Sometimes, Madi had wondered how should it feel to have grandparents or a big family who would have taken care of her. She had understood that, maybe, she would have liked it but, at the end of the day, she didn’t care. She needed no one. This was the reason why she didn’t was so happy about that Sunday lunch. She didn’t want to meet a fake uncle. She didn’t care at all. Moreover, Lexa was trying to cook something and everybody knew that she wasn’t able to prepare anything similar to edible food. A stinky burning smell filled the house. 

“Lexa, I think that your poisonous potion is ready!” Madi said, turning off the stove. Lexa ran to the kitchen and sighed. Everything had become carbon. 

“What should be meant to be?” the girl asked, pointing a pan full of black burnt food. Or, at least, she thought it was food. 

“Potatoes, I think.” Lexa answered, sad. All the hours she had spent trying to cook had been useless. Madi laughed. She couldn’t help, but find Lexa’s kitchen attempts hilarious. 

“Can you help me instead of laughing? We’re late.”. Madi nodded and got serious for a while, but then she burst in laugh again. Lexa groaned and rolled her eyes. 

“Okay, out of my kitchen. Go and help Aden getting dressed.” Lexa ordered.

“Yes,  Heda .” Madi answered, jokingly. Lexa froze for a moment. She grabbed Madi’s wrist and forced the teen to turn. The girl looked at the woman in fear. 

“Let me go!” Madi whined. 

“How did you call me?” Lexa roared, ignoring her.

“You’re hurting me! Let me go!”

“Mama, it’s snowing!”. Lexa and Madi turned to the door. Aden was giggling, happily. The woman suddenly realized what she had just done. She let Madi go, regretting immediately how she had acted. The teen ran away, in panic. Fortunately, Aden didn’t understand what was going on. He started jumping around Lexa, full of enthusiasm. Lexa bent down at him and smiled at him.

“Not now, sweetheart. Go to your room, I’ll be there soon.” she told him. Aden nodded and obeyed, diligently. Lexa sighed. She was full of shame. She didn’t want to hurt Madi. She knocked the door of her room, shy. Lexa could hear the teen sobbing. 

“Madi, can I come in, please?” the woman asked.

“Go away.” the answer was. Lexa swallowed. She was a total failure. 

“I’m sorry.” she muttered. “Please, forgive me.”. The door opened. Madi appeared and, for a brief moment, Lexa hoped that there would have been hope for them. However, when the girl gazed at her with eyes full of horror and hate, she understood that she was wrong.

“You’ll never be like mommy. You are just a fake mother, a surrogate, someone who pretends to be a parent. And now, go away.” she hissed, slamming the door. Lexa stood still, with no idea of how acting. She had never been so happy to hear the doorbell ringing, even if she didn’t know who could be. She opened the door, gasping when she recognized Clarke being in front of her. 

“Hi! Are you ready?”. Lexa raised her brow.

“Excuse me?”. 

“Anya and Raven are already at Nyko’s place and they told me to drive you because you don’t know where he lives.”. Lexa was more confused than before. Nyko was Lincoln and Anya’s uncle, she knew that, but what about Clarke? What was her relationship with the Woods family? 

“Oh, right, you can’t know.” the blonde realized. “Nyko is my godfather. Every year, the Sunday before the Foundation Day, our families reunite and have lunch together.” she explained. Lexa scratched her head, still a bit confused. Only in that moment she noticed that Clarke was shaking. 

“You’re freezing. Come in!” she said, inviting her inside. As the blonde entered the house, two tiny arms surrounded her hips. 

“ _Clack_! You’re here!” 

“Hi Aden.” the doctor greeted him, rubbing his hair. “How are you, little man?”

“It’s snowing! It’s snowing!” he screamed, a bit too much enthusiastic. 

“I guess you’re fine.” Clarke told him. Lexa smiled at that scene. At least, Aden was happy. 

“Where is Madi?” Clarke asked then. Lexa closed her eyes and breathed deeply, tears down her cheeks. 

“Lexa?” Clarke worried. 

“Clarke, I need you to go to her. I failed her.”. Lexa started crying, uncontrollably. The doctor bit her lip. She bent down at Aden. He was a little funny. He had tried to dress himself, so he was wearing trousers backwards and a pair of mismatched socks. 

“Little man, why don’t you go watch the snow falling, while Lexa and I have a talk?”. The idea of watching snowflakes excited him and the child ran to the first window he found, gluing his nose to the glass. Left alone with Lexa, Clarke made her sit, in order to understand what had happened between her and Madi. Lexa was panicking. She didn’t know how to explain it. 

“Lexa, I just want to help you. Please, talk to me.”. The brunette sighed. She had to try and open up with Clarke. 

“I made a mess. She called me in a way she didn’t have to and I grabbed her wrist, maybe I hurt her too. I treated her really badly” she explained. “She hates me, Clarke. And she’s right.”.

“But did she insult you?” the blonde asked. 

“No, she didn’t. She just... She called me in a way people used to call me back in Polis. It sounds strange, I know, but the point is that I overreacted. I love her, but I can’t show it to her and this hurts.”. Clarke smiled at her. Lexa found her blue eyes so reassuring. They reminded the brunette of  _ her _ . Maybe one day she would have been able to talk about  _ her _ again.

“Help Aden to get dressed. I will talk to Madi.” Clarke stated, bringing Lexa on Earth again. Lexa hugged her, tears in her eyes.

“Thank you.” she whispered. 

“Don’t thank me too soon.” Clarke joked, while going upstairs. She knocked at Madi’s Door. 

“Go away.” the girl cried. 

“Madi, it’s Clarke. Can I come in, honey?”

“Lexa sent you, typical of her. She’s a coward.” the teen said and Clarke felt her heart aching. Madi was full of pain and anger. 

“I don’t want to lie to you. She actually asked me to talk to you, it’s true, but I myself decided to do it. Do you know why? Because I care about you. And I know that at the moment you can’t see it, but Lexa cares about you, too. Now come out. We have to go.”. Clarke waited minutes as long as hours. Finally, the door opened and Madi appeared. Her eyes were red and sad and Clarke couldn’t help, but hug her. 

“I’m here because I promised to back you, remember? I will always do.” she told the girl. The teen sniffled and wiped her tears with her right hands. The two went downstairs, joining Lexa. Aden was outside playing with the snow, full of joy. 

“In the car, my crew!” Clarke exclaimed, trying to lighten the tension between Lexa and Madi. Fortunately, Aden was so fascinated by the snow, that he didn’t stop talking for a while in the car. Once at Nyko’s place, Anya and Lincoln welcomed them happily. Raven was in the kitchen, cooking with Marcus, while Abby, Clarke’s mother, was talking to Jacapo Sinclair, Raven foster dad. Lexa was impressed by her. She was a beautiful woman, with a very pride bearing, even if it was clear that she should had suffered a lot in her life. The brunette learnt that she was a surgeon and guessed that the woman should be the reason why Clarke had chosen to become a doctor.

“I didn’t know Marcus was your stepfather.”

“I didn’t tell you.” Clarke replied to Lexa. The brunette tapped her own nose. She wanted to ask her about her father, but she didn’t want to seem indelicate. Clarke apparently read in her mind.

“My dad died in a car crash when I was sixteen. Marcus was his best friend and it happened that my mom and him grew closer and closer. She is happy with him and I love him, too.” she explained. 

“I’m sorry for your father.” Lexa murmured, sincerely. Clarke let a sad smile to be pictured on her lips. 

“It’s okay, it happened a long time ago.”. Lexa wanted to say something, but Lincoln interrupted her, announcing that lunch was ready. When they got inside, Lexa felt a bit out of place. She was anxious. She didn’t know how to act at a family lunch. And then, he showed up. Nyko was a tall man, with long dark hair and beard. Lexa found him intimidating. He had the same bloody gaze of Anya. 

“Hi, Lexa. I was waiting for you. Sorry if I couldn’t’ meet you before, but working at the hospital doesn’t allow me to do what I want when I want.”. The brunette swallowed. Everyone’s eyes were on her. She was expected to say something, but she couldn’t think straight at the moment. 

“D-do you work at the hospital too?”

“Yes, I am a nurse. I know, with this long beard I just seem a serial killer, but I prefer saving lives than ending them.” he answered, jokingly. The two gazed. Lexa felt embarrassed.

“You have your mother’s eyes.” Nyko told her. She froze. Her mother. She didn’t remember her, at all. 

“Did you know her?” Lexa asked with a trembling voice. Clarke rubbed her back, trying to calm her down.

“Yes, I did. She was an incredible woman, Lexa.”. Lexa would have wanted to ask him something about her, but Lincoln broke a plate and the topic suddenly changed. Aden soon became the star of the lunch, while Madi stayed in silence for the whole meal. 

“So, tomorrow is gonna be  Foundation Day . Are you going to come to the celebration, Lexa?” 

“I’d like, yes.” the brunette claimed. 

“You can come with us!” Anya and Lincoln suggested. Lexa nodded. 

“Great! Madi and Aden will love the celebration. I will be there as a doctor in case of emergency, but I will be able to move around. Raven will work there too.” Clarke said.

“Don’t remember me I will have to work tomorrow. I already know something won’t work.” Raven whined. 

“Everything will be fine, Reyes. You assembled the computer system.” Anya cheered her girlfriend up, kissing her temple.

“Not in front of Nyko and Jacapo, please.” Raven whispered, making everyone laugh. Lexa smiled. She had never experienced family in her life. She had never had the chance. She had had  her , but it hadn’t been the same.

“Lexa, can I talk to you?” Niko asked, suddenly. The brunette nodded and followed him in the kitchen. She felt anxious. 

“Hey, calm down. Lexa, I won’t eat you.” the man reassured her. “I just want to tell you that I know who you are, Lexa.”. The brunette lost a heartbeat.

“I am Lincoln and Anya’s sist-“

“Don’t try to lie to me. I used to know your mother and your father, Lexa. I know what you went through. And now I want to understand why you are here.”. Lexa swallowed. She sighed.

“They want Madi. They chose her. I can’t let this happen, Nyko. I can’t let them do to her what they did to me. She deserves better.” she said. Nyko put a hand on her shoulder.

“Not being able to take you with me has always been my biggest regret. It will always be. I met your mother at your parents’ wedding. She was already pregnant of you. She was an incredible woman, Lexa. She would be proud of you.”. Lexa found herself crying. She missed her mother, even if she couldn’t remember her. In that moment, she understood how Madi could feel. 

“Mama,  _ Clack _ and  _ Liccol _ helped me building a snowman!”. Lexa turned. Aden was smiling in a way that the woman had never seen. 

“Go to your kid Lexa. Not being able to save you is the biggest regret in my life, but I swear to you that I won’t let them taking Madi. Never.” Nyko promised. 

“Thank you. Really.” Lexa whispered. She joined Aden and kissed him on his head. She grabbed his tiny hand and the two went outside, to see the snowman. Immediately, lots of snowballs hit hem, thrown by Clarke, Lincoln, Anya and Raven. Lexa fell on the ground and started laughing. Suddenly, a big and icy snowball hit her face. She looked up. Madi was smirking, another snowball on her hand.

“This is for before.” she hissed, with a smirk on her lips. And Lexa couldn’t help, but feel at home for the first time in her entire life.


	9. 8.Just

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Foundation Day. Lexa and Clarke get closer, but someone dangerous is looking for the brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! How are you? I hope everyone is safe. Here in Italy the situation is a mess, but we’ll get through this
> 
> I hope that you will like this chapter, let me know what you think about it. We’re a bit closer to the truth about Lexa’s past, you just have to wait a little more. 
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and the comments, I love reading your impressions about the story. So, thank you, again. 
> 
> See you next week!

** 8. **

> _When all other light is gone_  
>  _A single spark is all I need_  
>  _To keep whole the earth below_  
>  _To dig down for life beneath the snow_  
>  _To carry, to carry on, to carry on_
> 
> _(Startisan-Just)_

Foundation Day was the most expected day of the year in Shallow Valley with Christmas and Independence Day. It was considered more important even than Easter and Thanksgiving Day and the celebrations were incredible every year. That was the first time for Lexa and her two kids seeing such a sight. The whole town was in the park, despite the cold weather. There were rides, musicians playing, an exhibition about the history of Shallow Valley, funny games such as shooting gallery (with rubber bullets, of course), whack-a-mole, sack race and many others, balloons and sweet stands and a lot of food. There were screaming children everywhere and Aden started playing snowball fights with his kindergarten friends, while Lexa and her siblings sat on a bench with Madi. The teen looked very bored. She basically didn’t know anyone, as she spent the whole days at school trying to avoiding almost everyone. A part Charlotte, there was only another guy who she enjoyed spending time with, Ethan Hardy. He was a blonde posing boy who played for the local school football team and Lexa didn’t like him at all. However, she didn’t want to fight Madi, she just stood him, paying attention of his behavior.

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Lincoln said. He was right. It was an incredible sunny day and the sunlight made the snow on the ground shine. 

“I’ve never seen so much snow.” Lexa admitted. Her siblings’ eyes widened. 

“This is why I’d never live in Polis, Lincoln. No snow, crime everywhere, no Callie’s Cafe...”

“No Raven.” Lincoln continued, joking.

“Yes. Wait, what?” her sister realized what he had just made her say.

“Oh, c’mon! You two live together, it’s not a secret anymore that you love her, Anya.”. The detective blushed and Lexa started laughing. Madi looked at them and yawned. She was so bored. 

“Oh-oh.” Lincoln muttered, suddenly.

“What’s the matter, now?” Madi asked, nervous. She was fed up, she just wanted to go home. 

“Kara Cooper is your 9 o’clock. I repeat, Kara Cooper is your 9 o’clock.” Lincoln warned Anya.

“Who?” Lexa questioned. Anya didn’t answer and tried to run away, in vain. It was too late. A thin tall woman with dark hair and a crazy gaze was staring at her, mad. Anya faked a smile. 

“Ehm... Good morning Miss Cooper. How are you?”

“Not well, Miss Woods. I am really worried and scared. My poor chickens...”. Anya groaned. Not again.  _ Maybe it’s karma. Yes, it definitely is a punishment for not having helped Octavia the last time _ , she thought.

“Miss Cooper, we have already found your chicken. It’s not that day of the month.” the detective told the woman. 

“I know!” Cooper replied. “This is why I’m scared!”. Anya rolled her eyes, while Lexa and Lincoln were laughing. Madi was shocked. Was her fake aunt really managing the case of a vanished chicken? 

“Whoever attempts the life of my poor babies deserves to die.” Cooper claimed. 

“No, no, nobody will die. Detective Blake and I will find your chicken again, Miss Cooper. Now go having fun, I need space in order to investigate.”. Lexa and Lincoln were laughing in tears. They couldn’t help, but laugh, even if Anya had begged them with her eyes to stop more than once. 

“Thank you, detective. I’m counting on you.” Cooper said and went away. Madi was confused.

“What the hell has just happened?”

“I’ll explain you later. Now go, before she changes her mind.” Anya whispered. 

* * *

Clarke yawned. Working as a doctor for the  Foundation Day meant waking up way before she was used to. She was walking through the park, a transmitter in her hand. She smiled when she saw Raven. Her friend seemed mad at something, but she couldn’t understand at what.

“Reyes, are you okay?” the blonde asked her. 

“No, of course. This idiots ruined my computer system. Every year I tell, no, I order Dax and Connor to stay away from my computers and every year they ruin everything.” the brunette explained, furious. Clarke put both her hands on her arms and watched her in her eyes.

“Raven, breathe.”. The brunette snorted.

“I need you to calm down, the day is still long and we can’t lose you.” Clarke insisted. 

“I will kill them sooner or later.” 

“No, you won’t. You don’t want to be arrested by me or Anya.”. The two friends turned. Octavia was staring at them, laughing at that scene. It happened every year and she always found it funny. 

“Don’t you have to look for a vanished chicken, O?” Raven joked. Octavia raised her brows. She had already found it.

“It’s not that day of the month!” she objected.

“Yes, but apparently Kara Cooper told Anya that another poor chicken vanished. I want to know the one who decided to start kidnapping those birds, that woman is going insane.” Raven explained, bursting in laugh. Octavia sighed. She wanted to know them, too. She was starting to have nightmares about those stupid chickens.

“It’s her turn, I have something better to do.” the detective stated. 

“Yes, you have to go looking for Atom, we know it.” Clarke said. Octavia sighed. Atom was a bartender working for Callie’s Cafe and the detective had a massive crush on him. They used to hang out, but she suspected herself to be just a friend with benefits for him and nothing more. However, there was a person who really liked Octavia and she knew it. Lincoln had lost her head for the brunette and secretly all their friends hoped them to end up together, but the detective wasn’t of the same opinion. She didn’t want Lincoln, she only wanted Atom. 

“Girls, stop. We’ve already talked about this. He’s really nice, but I would never...”

“Lincoln, hi! My dear friend, how are you?”. Octavia mentally thanked Raven. Lincoln was behind her and her friend had just saved her from a really bad move. She turned. Anya greeted her and started talking about Kara Cooper’s chicken, while Lexa reached Clarke. Aden hugged the blonde, so happy to see her. Madi was sitting on a bench and waved her hello. Clarke was happy to see Lexa and her two kids. The brunette was becoming someone important to her. She’d known her for less than two weeks, but she didn’t mind. Lexa was already a part of her life, she couldn’t neglect that fact. 

“It’s almost lunch time. I’m going to eat with Bellamy and his family. Charlotte would be there too, so I was thinking that maybe you could join us.” Clarke proposed. Lexa turned to Madi. She sighed. 

“Yes, it would be a pleasure.” she said. The teen had heard everything and she snorted. She didn’t want to have lunch with her coach and P. E. teacher. It would have been embarrassing. However, she didn’t have any decisional power and she couldn’t help, but submit to Lexa’s will. 

“Bell, Echo! How are you?” Clarke greeted her friends, hugging the older of the Blakes. Madi felt really uncomfortable. Fortunately, Charlotte realized that and asked her parents if they could have had lunch on their own. When the adults told them that there was no problem, Madi breathed in relief. The last thing she wanted was having lunch with a teacher of hers. Aden asked if he could stay with her sister and Madi accepted, a bit reluctant. She didn’t protest though, she wanted to go away from Echo as soon as possible.

“Your daughter is an incredible player, Miss Woods. I can’t understand why you don’t want her to play games.” Echo started talking. Lexa froze for a while. Echo was a tall and athletic woman and the brunette thought that Madi was right, she was very intimidating. Moreover, hearing someone defining Madi  _ her daughter _ had always made her shiver.

“Well... Call me Lexa, please.” she told her.

“Okay, Lexa. You didn’t answer me though.

She came to me last Monday and asked me to train without playing. It’s just... You know... Strange.”. Echo wasn’t accusing Lexa of anything, she was just genuinely curious. However, the brunette was panicking. She couldn’t tell the truth. Not yet. 

“I... I know she is very good. However, this is my decision to make and I won’t allow her to play.”. Echo, Bellamy and Clarke gazed at each other. It made no sense at all, they knew it.

“Is it because of money? You don’t have to worry about it. We are a team and we help each other. Games in other towns won’t be a problem and...”. Lexa cut Echo off.

“It’s not a matter of money. It’s a personal problem and I... Sorry, I can’t do it, okay?” she said. She was getting really nervous. Memories of her previous life in Polis started to come out alive in her mind. She didn’t even realize that she was shaking.

“Lexa? Are you okay?” Bellamy asked her. She didn’t answer. She stood up and started running away, when someone grabbed her wrist. She turned. Clarke hugged her and rubbed her back.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” she whispered. Lexa could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I... It’s complicated.” she muttered. Clarke had a lot of questions in her mind, but she didn’t want to push her. She waited for Lexa to calm down and walked her to Bellamy and Echo again. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to sound inopportune. Let’s talk about something else.” Echo changed topic. She was feeling a bit guilty for what had just happened. 

“Yes. Let’s talk about Octavia and Lincoln. What do you think about them?”. Lexa was a bit confused. She had noticed that his brother always gazed and blushed at Bellamy’s sister, but she hadn’t realize that he liked her. 

“Well... Lincoln is a great guy. He is kind, he owns a gym, he can cook, he is nice with kids and respectful towards everyone. He could be perfect for her.” she claimed. Bellamy hit the table. 

“Right! This is what we are telling her every day. They would be perfect to each other, but she keeps losing her time with Atom.”

“I can hear you, Bell!” Octavia told him. Bellamy turned and greeted her sister. They all started laughing. Lexa gazed at Clarke. She felt relieved. Lexa knew the blonde had a lot of questions and she was thankful that she hadn’t asked her anything. She didn’t want to ruin that new-found friendship. 

“Thank you for before.” she whispered. Clarke smiled and Lexa couldn’t help, but thinking that her smile was really beautiful. 

“You’re welcome, Lexa. I did nothing special. I just...”. Clarke paused, a bit scared of what she was just saying. “I care about you, Lexa. I’ve known you for less than two weeks, I know, but I care. You are a great person and you deserve the best.”. Lexa swallowed. She didn’t know what to say. She was trying to formulate a complete sentence, when Clarke’s transmitter crackled. It was Harper.

“ _Clarke, we need you here. Adria Fish has just swallowed a rubber bullet_.”

“Again? It’s the third time in three years!” the doctor claimed, incredulous. That kid’s parents definitely needed to keep her away from the shot gallery. She sighed.

“I’m coming.” she surrendered, standing up. 

“Gotta go. See you later.” she said, gazing at Lexa. She waved her goodbye and went away. Lexa breathed deeply. She thought that she had enjoyed that meal. And maybe not only it. 

* * *

“Aden, we have to go. It’s late and it’s really cold.” Madi told her brother. The kid snorted. He wanted to keep playing with the snow.

“C’mon, if you go with me, I’ll buy you some candies. You love them.” Madi tried.

“No!” Aden shouted. The teen turned to Charlotte, exhausted. Her friend didn’t know what to do, too.

“Please.” she begged his brother. Aden shook his head. Madi felt so embarrassed. Behind her there was Ethan and he was looking at her. She blushed. She was so ashamed, that she wanted to dig her deep down under the ground. 

“Lexa is waiting for us.” the girl said, trying to convince his brother. Finally, Aden surrendered and followed the two girls. When they reached the adults, Madi was afraid of Lexa being mad at her, but she was not. The girl was surprised to be welcomed by her picturing such a smile. She seemed happy. 

“How was your day?” the woman asked.

“I built a snowman.” Aden told her. Lexa caressed his hair and turned to Madi.

“What about yours?”. The teen shrugged. She had had fun, but she didn’t want to admit it. She sat on a bench and sighed. Suddenly, a band started playing and she found Clarke in front of her.

“C’mon, let’s dance.”. Madi shook her head.

“Absolutely not.” she said. Clarke ignored her answer and grabbed her hand, starting to dance with her. Not far from them, Lexa watched that scene, a huge smile pictured on her lips. And when fireworks began to light the sky, she couldn’t help, but be sure that she was living again. 

* * *

“Did you find her?” the man asked. The young boy in front of him sighed.

“No, I didn’t,  _ Fleimkepa _ .” he answered. The man clenched his fists. He stared at him. He took a gun from his pocket. The boy couldn’t scream, nor search for help. A puddle of blood dirtied the man’s shoes. He didn’t care. He only cared about one thing. And he would have found it. He would have found  her .


	10. 9.We Are Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madi and Lexa argue in a very bad way. Aden has an accident because of his sister and Lexa opens up with Clarke about her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, how are you? I hope everyone is safe and healthy.
> 
> This is one of my favorite chapters and I hope that you will like it. Let me know what you think about it, I love reading your comments. 
> 
> See you next week!

** 9. **

> _Cause we are broken_  
>  _What must we do to restore our innocence_  
>  _And all the promise we adored?_
> 
> _(Paramore-We Are Broken)_

Lexa, Madi and Aden have been in Shallow Valley for more than two weeks. It would have been Christmas in a dozen of days and the brunette was a bit worried. Her first Christmas alone with the kids, it wouldn’t have been easy. Her relationship with Madi was getting worse day after day. She definitely didn’t know how to approach the girl. Madi always shouted at her or remembered her that she wasn’t her mother and that she couldn’t tell her what to do. There was also another problem called Ethan. Lexa didn’t like him at all. Anya had told her that he was known for being a bully and a robber, even if there were never been proof to incriminate him. He was just sixteen, but he was already one step away from jail. At the same time, there was Aden. He was enjoying his new life and he had made a lot of friends. Everyone had fallen for him, he was a cute five year old child after all. Lexa sighed. It was almost dinner time and their fridge was empty. She had asked Madi to buy groceries, but of course the girl hadn’t done it. Lexa shook her head and closed the fridge. She went to the living room and sat on the sofa, waiting for Madi to go downstairs. The music was loud, she didn’t know what hellish band she was listening to. She scoffed and decided to go upstairs. She entered the room without knocking and turned off the stereo.

“Hey!” Madi protested. Lexa looked at her.

“What do you want to eat?” she asked, masking her anger. 

“I don’t know, it doesn’t matter as long as I won’t be there for dinner.”

“You won’t what?”. Lexa couldn’t believe it. 

“Ethan invited me to hang out. It’s Saturday, it’s my right to have fun!”. Lexa laughed. She was fed up. She couldn’t stand her anymore. 

“Well, ma’am, from now you have no more rights, at all.” she said, dismantling the stereo. Madi tried to stop her, but Lexa pushed her away. 

“Ah-ah. Don’t you dare, ma’am. I am so fed up, Madi. I’m working my ass really hard for you. I’m doing my best in order to provide you everything you need and all I get are yelling and names!” Lexa cried. Madi looked at her with eyes full of hate. 

“You’re not my mom! You can’t tell me what to do or how I must behave!” she replied. Lexa couldn’t do it anymore. She grabbed Madi’s arm and yanked her. The girl gulped.

“I know I am not your mother, Madi! I am no one to you and that’s okay. I just want you to be safe, why can’t you understand this?”

“I wish you died that night, instead of her.” Madi hissed. Lexa swallowed. She gazed at her, tears in her eyes. She wanted to reply, but she didn’t know how. They stood in front of each other, in silence.

“I...” the woman tried to say, when someone downstairs called her.

“Lexa, it’s Marcus! He wants you at the store, there should be a problem with some CDs, I didn’t understand well.”. The woman snorted. She went to the corridor and protruded from the stairway. Anya was staring at her, her mobile in her hand. 

“But it’s Saturday!” Lexa retorted. “And how did you get here?”.

“The door was open. And Marcus didn’t care, he needs you.”. Lexa couldn’t believe it. She turned to Madi. 

“Do you think you will be able to stay here and take care of Aden? I will be back as soon as possible. Anya ordered you some pizza, I’ll leave you money on the table.”

“I have to go out!” Madi objected.

“Me too and for better reasons. You are grounded, ma’am. See you later.” 

“You’re a bitch!” the girl cried.

“You’re not the first to tell me so.” Lexa replied. She waved goodbye to Aden and went outside. She got in the car and tried to start it. She cussed. It couldn’t be possible. The car didn’t work.

“Fuck!” she cursed. Lexa walked to her sister’s and knocked the door. From her window, Madi watched the two sisters going away with Anya’s car and sighed. She was trapped.

“I am hungry.” Aden claimed. Madi rolled hereyes. 

“Come with me, let’s go to the kitchen.” she said, taking her brother’s hand. She opened the fridge and gave her brother some milk with cereals. When the doorbell rang, she hoped that it was the delivery man. But she was wrong.

“Ethan?”. The boy smiled at her and entered the house. 

“What are you doing here?” Madi asked.

“Well, you didn’t come and so I decided to visit you. I brought you something.” the boy told her. Madi looked at him, curious. Ethan made sure that Lexa wasn’t at home and took a baggie from his pocket with some pills inside. The girl jolted. 

“Ethan, I don’t think that... Aden is here and I...”

“Oh, c’mon. We’re gonna have fun.” the boy insisted. Madi bit her lip. She needed to have fun. She needed to stop thinking. She went to the kitchen to lock his brother inside.

“What are you doing?” Aden asked.

“Just stay here, okay?” Madi said, vaguely. The child shrugged.

“Can I have more cereals?”

“No, Aden. Delivery is going to come and I need you to eat.” the girl told him. She waved goodbye and went back to the living room, where Ethan was waiting for her. 

“Let’s sit down. Do you want to watch a movie?”. The girl nodded. She turned on the TV and breathed deeply. Pills. He had pills in his pocket. And he was offering them to her. 

“Are you okay? You should do nothing, if you don’t want to.” he said , trying to help her relaxing.

“No... I... It’s just that...”. A sudden crash made her jolt. An horrendous thought came out alive in her mind. She ran to the kitchen. Aden was on the floor, his head in a puddle of blood. Madi kneeled at him, panicking. She couldn’t lose him. She screamed. 

“Stay awake, sweetheart. Stay awake, please. Please.”.

* * *

Clarke massaged her temple. She was really tired. Fortunately, her shift had just ended. She was signing the last papers and then she would have been free. It was Saturday night and she would have joined Wells and Jasper for a movie night. But first, she should have had a shower.  _Yes, I’m really stinky_ , she thought. She signed her last paper and started walking to the dressing room. 

“Doctor Griffin!” a nurse called her. Clarke turned. 

“What’s the matter? I’m going home.” she said. She really needed to go out from that hospital.

“There is a girl with a child in the E.R.” the nurse stated. The blonde couldn’t understand. 

“Jackson will be here soon.” she told the nurse.

“She asked of you.”. Clarke’s eyes widened. It couldn’t be. She shook her head and started running to the E.R. Madi was there, her brother on her lap. He was covered in blood and there was no sign of Lexa.

“Are you fucking stupid? Why isn’t this child on a bed?” Clarke got mad. She laid Aden down and watched him. 

“Shit! Call me Harper McIntyre! Who is in surgery in this moment?”. The nurse next to her babbled something and Clarke tried really bad to don’t yell at her, but she couldn’t. 

“Who is in surgery?” she repeated.

“D-doctor Griffin, your m-mother.” the nurse answered. Clarke nodded and, with the help of Harper, brought Aden to the operating room. Madi remained alone, in tears. She crouched on her knees and couldn’t stop crying. The girl felt someone hugging her. She opened her eyes. Clarke was there, trying to calm her down.

“I’m here, I’ve got you.” she whispered.

“D-did I k-kill him?” Madi asked, still crying. Clarke helped her standing up and made her sit in a small and quiet room. 

“Aden is well, Madi. He’s doing some tests at the moment, but he’s doing fine. I don’t want to lie to you, I had to call Lexa. I phoned Anya and she told me they were together at Marcus’ store.” the doctor explained. The girl sobbed. She started shaking. Clarke hugged her again.

“You said you would have always backed me.” Madi murmured. Clarke sighed.

“Honey, I couldn’t hide this to Lexa. Also, I needed her consent in order to investigate your brother’s conditions. I had to call her.”. Madi knew that that was the truth. She wanted to die. Lexa would have hated her forever. She was a damned burden. 

“I should’ve died.” she muttered. Clarke gasped. 

“What?” 

“I should be dead, not my mom.”. The blonde almost chocked. She forced the girlto look at her in her eyes.

“Don’t you dare to say it again. Promise me, Madi.”. The girl started crying more. “Promise me.” Clarke insisted.

“I can’t.” Madi said. Clarke felt a lump in her throat. She needed to talk to Lexa. Definitely.

* * *

“I’m here for Aden Searle-Woods.” Lexa said to the nurse, who pointed a long corridor at her right. The brunette started running, followed by her sister. Two big tears rolled down her eyes when she finally found the child. He was laying in a bed, awake and with a bandage on his tiny head. 

“Mama!” he called her. Lexa kissed his head and rocked him sweetly. 

“I love you, sweetheart.” she told him. 

“I love you too, mama.”. Lexa swallowed and kissed his temple. She looked at Clarke. She was next to her, visibly nervous. 

“Where is Madi?” the brunette asked, worried. Clarke sighed. She bit her lip. She had made a promise to Madi and she would have kept it. She would have backed her. 

“She’s in another room. Lexa, I think we have to talk.”. The brunette looked away. She knew that that moment would have come, but it was too soon.

“I just want to find Madi and go to bed.” she said. Clarke grabbed her wrist and took her in the corridor. 

“Clarke? What’s the problem?” 

“What’s the problem? Seriously, Lexa? Your daughter brought her brother covered in blood to the E.R. on her own and told me that she should’ve been dead. I don’t know you, but I see a very huge problem here.” Clarke answered, furiously. Lexa froze.

“Wait, what did she tell you?” she asked. She was scared. 

“She told me that she should’ve died instead of her mom. What does it mean? What is going on?”. Lexa felt her head spinning and the urge of vomiting. It couldn’t be possible. 

“Please, I need to go home.” she muttered. 

“Perfect. I’ll give you a lift and then we’ll talk.” Clarke said.

“I’m with Anya.” Lexa tried to avoid her proposal, but Clarke cut it short.

“I’ll give you a lift and then we’ll talk.” she repeated. “Also, I want to check Aden before he’ll go to sleep. He’s negative to all the tests, but I want to be sure he feels well.”. Lexa sighed and surrendered. She took Aden in his arms and followed Clarke through the hospital. They entered a room, finding Madi waiting for them. The girl bowed her head and started panicking when she saw Lexa. The woman shook her head and said nothing. She had no words to tell her.

“Let’s go.” Clarke exhorted the two. The small group walked to the parking lot and got in the blonde’s car. She drove silently to Lexa’s place. Once inside the house, Clarke checked Aden’s head and helped Lexa putting him to bed. Madi was on her bed, sobbing. As the doctor entered her room, she tried to wipe her tears, in vain. 

“Everything will be fine, honey. It’s a promise. Go to bed, okay?”

“No, Clarke, please. I...” Madi protested. She was panicking. Clarke caressed her hair and looked at her in a very sweet way. She took a tube from her pocket and gave a pill to the girl. 

“Take one of this. I really need you to sleep, baby.” Clarke insisted. Madi obeyed. She laid on her bed and closed her eyes, while Clarke tenderly caressed her head. Once she saw that the girl had relaxed, she joined Lexa in the living room. The brunette was sitting on the sofa, her head in her hands. Anxiety was devastating her. She didn’t want to talk to Clarke, at all. But she knew she had to. She owed her an explanation.

“Lexa, I need some answers. What happened tonight was really serious.” the blonde started talking. Lexa sighed. 

“Lexa, Madi told me she wants to die! She came to the hospital with Ethan’s brother because you don’t have a mobile and she couldn’t call you.”

“Was she with Ethan?” Lexa asked. Clarke scoffed.

“Are you really asking me this? I’ve just told you that she wants to...”

“I know what you’ve just told me, Clarke!” Lexa replied, yelling. The doctor couldn’t help, but feel scared by such a reaction. The brunette realized what she had did and clenched her fists.

“Sorry, I... I failed her. I failed you. I failed everyone.” she muttered. Clarke raised Lexa’s chin with her thumb. She smiled at her. 

“Madi is just angry, Lexa. She loves you, even if she doesn’t know that. But I need you to tell me what is going on. Why did she tell me that her mother died? Aren’t you her mom? Why don’t you call her your daughter?”

“Because I am not her mother, Clarke.” Lexa claimed. Clarke raise her brows.

“What?” she was only able to say. Lexa swallowed. She was so scared. She didn’t want Clarke to run away from her. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t want to lose her.

“Lexa?” Clarke called her. The brunette bit her lip. She breathed deeply.

“Madi and Aden are my wife’s kids. Her name was Costia and she died ten months ago.”. Clarke froze. She definitely didn’t expect it. She wanted to ask her more, but she couldn’t speak. Lexa seemed to understand her feelings and she kept talking.

“I met her three years ago. She had had Madi when she was only fifteen. She married Madi’s father but he died while she was pregnant with Aden. He was shot.”. Clarke swallowed. “We grew closer and we fell in love. We decided to marry, but Madi never liked our choice. She has always seen me as a fake parent. Anyway, we married and I chose to adopt both Aden and Madi. Back in Polis I was into pretty bad stuff, Clarke. I wanted them to have my money if I...”. Lexa couldn’t end what she was saying. Clarke rubbed her back, gently. 

“One night, Madi disappeared. She was with a friend of her, but we didn’t know that. I went looking for her, leaving Aden and Costia alone. They...”. Lexa wanted to puke. She started shaking and Clarke hugged her. She couldn’t imagine such a truth. 

“They beheaded her, Clarke. There was blood everywhere.”. The blonde was horrified. Who on Earth could had done such terrible things?

“What about Aden? Did he witness his mother’s homicide?” she asked, concerned. 

“No, no, he didn’t. Costia could hide him somehow. When I found him, he was thinking that he was playing hide and seek.”. Lexa couldn’t do it anymore. She burst in tears, her nose brushing Clarke’s neck. The doctor held her close and rocked her. She didn’t say anything, it would have been useless. She just stayed there, next to Lexa. She wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone. Not anymore.


	11. 10.Bad To The Bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Grounders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> First of all, I want to thank you for the kudos and the comments. More than 3000 hits, I can’t believe it. Thank you very much, really.
> 
> Anyway, I’m particularly proud of this chapter. You will meet new characters and understand a bit better where Lexa comes from and why she fled away. 
> 
> I’m curious about what you think about this one, so let me know if you liked it or not and if you are enjoying the story.
> 
> See you next Friday!

** 10. **

> _I'm here to tell ya honey  
>  That I'm bad to the bone_
> 
> _(George Thorogood And The Destroyers-Bad To The Bone)_
> 
> _  
>   
>  _

The man was eating a steak. He was totally bold and not very tall. The back of his head was fully tattooed and he had earrings on his lobes. His gaze was indecipherable, but his underlings knew that he could be the cruelest man on Earth. He had no clue in killing someone.  _Kongeda_ , the Coalition, was everything that he cared about. When the door suddenly opened, he had just finished his meal. A tall woman entered the room. She had grey hair and a blue, icy gaze. There was no soul in her eyes, they were just a mirror of death. Behind her, a young brunette woman leaned on the wall, a hand in a pocket and scars all over her face. She looked beautiful and crazy at the same time.

“Titus! Did you find her?” the oldest woman yelled. The man scoffed. He had known her for many years. He couldn’t stand her. And she knew that, but she didn’t care. 

“Nia kom Azgeda, the pleasure is all yours.” he said. The woman got nervous and hit the table with her hand. The plate fell on the floor and broke in thousand pieces.

“Chinese porcelain, what a pity. Nia, that was a really expensive plate.”

“I don’t care about your stupid dish, Titus. Where is her? Where is _Heda_? And where is the _Natblida_?” Nia asked. Her voice was the incarnation of pure evil. Titus shook his head. Nia Storm, known as Nia kom Azgeda by _Kongeda_ ’s members, was a cold, soulless, evil woman. She had been known for her cruel behavior and her thirst of power. Despite her accepting the existence of _Kongeda_ , it was no secret at all that she desired to submit all Grounders’ clans under hers.Grounders had decided in fact to create a coalition, unifying their twelve so called clans, Trikru, Floukru, Sangedakru, Yujleda, Boudalan, Trishanakru, Podakru, Ouskejan Kru, Delfikru, Ingranrona and Lowoda Kinron. They all worked together, helping each other to keep living and following their leader, their _Heda_. They were criminals, but with a code of honor. And then there was Azgeda. Nia’s clan had always been known for its strange habits. They used to have a King or a Queen, something unthinkable for the other clans. No one should follow a different leader from _Heda_. No one, but Azgeda. When Nia had become Queen, she was only twenty four. In more than forty years, she had been able to build an empire and to make Azgeda the strongest of all clans. Everyone knew that Kongeda was the last obstacle to her to gain absolute power on the Country’s criminal activities. And it would have meant that she would have reached absolute power on everything. The vanishing of Heda would have been a serious problem for _Kongeda_.

“So? Where is Lexa?” Nia insisted. 

“We are looking for her and the _Natblida_. We will find her, don’t worry.” Titus said. He stood up and tried to leave the room, but the young brunette leaning on the wall suddenly reached him and grabbed him by his shirt. She pulled him against the wall and pointed a gun on his head.

“What do you think to do? Do you really want to shoot the _Fleimkepa_? Are you crazy?” Titus shouted. He was scared. Nia nodded to the brunette and Titus found himself on the floor. He stood up, adjusting his shirt. 

“Who is she?” he asked, looking at the young woman. Nia smirked, a cold, icy grin appeared on her lips. There was nothing human on her face. 

“Her name is Ontari. She is my _Natblida_ , Titus. And she will become the next _Heda_ if you don’t find Lexa.” she explained. Titus masked his horror. 

“You can’t act like this, Nia. Lexa is still alive, you have no right to come here and propose a new _Heda_. Also, I had already chosen her successor. I am the _Fleimkepa_ , not you!” he shouted. Ontari spitted in disgust. 

“You can’t come here and disrespect me and our traditions, Nia. Your puppy should know her place.” the man hissed. Nia laughed.

“I can do whatever I want, Titus. I am a Queen, you’re just a fake priest. I bow to no one, but _Heda_. A real _Heda_ , not a stupid baby who flees away.” the woman retorted. “Moreover, the Natblida vanished. As the most powerful of the thirteen clans, Azgeda has the right to propose her own _Natblida_ , you know it. You owe me respect, Titus.” she roared. The man masked his fear. He was scared to death. He was a tough man, able of evil and cruel acts, he knew it. But Nia was different. Titus had a code of honor, he followed some moral rules. He had sworn fealty to _Kongeda_. But Nia, she was totally different. Kongeda was nothing to her. She had plead loyal to Azgeda only, nothing else. She had no humanity inside of her. Titus thought she wasn’t human at all. Nia kom Azgeda was pure evil and Titus knew he should fear her. He wasn’t stupid, at all.  


“Lexa is still alive and that’s a fact. The throne isn’t vacant.”

“She betrayed _Kongeda_! Ontari has the right to seat on the throne!”. The man smirked. 

“What? What do you mean, _Fleimkepa_?” Ontari asked, pushing a knife against Titus’ throat. 

“You’re crazier than her, congratulations.” the man told her. Nia stopped the brunette from hitting him and invited him to explain himself. 

“It’s simple, Nia. Lexa is still alive and this means that I haven’t the Flame with me. She has it and, as long as she owns it, she is the legitimate _Heda_. No one will be accepted as _Heda_ without owning the Flame. So, you and your _Natblida_ can kiss my ass and go fuck yourselves. And you may be the Queen of Azgeda, Nia, but here I represent the whole _Kongeda_.”. The woman clenched her fists. She gazed at Ontari. 

“Good. Well, this means that we will look for her. And, when we’ll find her, we will be sure that Lexa will have the end that she deserves, although with that little _Natblida_.” Nia hissed. Titus shivered. 

“You...”

“Let me tell you a secret, my old friend. We can do whatever we want as long as we own the power to do it. This is what matters in this world, gaining power. You know that better than me. How many things did you do just because you could do it? You know the answer, Titus. So, the only thing you can do is hoping that she will come back home before Ontari would cut her head from her beautiful and soft neck.” Nia said. The man swallowed, but he didn’t reply. The two women grinned at him for one last time and left him alone and trembling. He knew Nia enough to be sure that she wasn’t bluffing. He needed to find Lexa before them. He needed _Heda_ to be saved from Azgeda. And from herself too. Titus couldn’t believe that she was gone. The day before everything was alright and the day after she vanished, as well as the _Natblida_ and her little brother. He couldn’t understand the reason behind such a behavior. It made no sense at all. He cussed and left his room. Titus lived in a very old and battered building with other Trikru. Lexa had used to live there too, until she had been crowned _Heda_. The man smirked, thinking of her. She was just fourteen at that time. Titus shook his head. He had to act faster than Nia and he had no choice, but going to the other side of the city. He found himself on the streets and started walking, being careful not to be followed by anyone. He took the subway and gazed around. He saw them. Two men with their faces covered in scars were behind him. He pretended not to had seen them and went off the train. He hid behind a column near the bathroom. There was no one and the cameras didn’t work. A mouse ran next to him, curious. Titus kicked it and took a knife from his pocket, waiting for the men. Two stabs on their throat were enough. He cleaned his knife from the blood and walked to the escalator. When he found himself topside, he breathed in relief. He was safe. He kept walking, until he entered a gloomy and dodgy pub. There were bad guys everywhere and a strong smell of pee. Titus went next to the bartender, a young violet haired woman with a piercing on her septum. 

“What do you want?” she asked. 

“I’m looking for a person, my dear. Is the man called Hunter here?”. The woman bit her lip. She didn’t like the man in front of him.

“I know no Hunter. Get out!”. Titus scoffed and took several banknotes from his jacket. 

“Is this enough?”. The woman nodded.

“Perfect. Now, tell me, where is him?”. The bartender nodded at him and Titus followed her to the back. In the middle of the room there was a small bed, with a sleeping man laying on him.

“Excuse me.” Titus said, taking a bottle of water from a shelf. He opened it and poured it on the man, who suddenly woke up. 

“You’re a piece of shit Titus, don’t you know that?”

“Good morning to you, Roan. Or should I call you Hunter?”. The man snorted and stood up. He was a tall guy with black long hair and some scars on his face. His gaze was fierce and sad at the same time. 

“Oh, shut up, priest. Why are you here? I paid my debts.”

“I know. It’s not about you, Roan. It’s about Lexa.”. The man laughed. He didn’t care at all about that woman.

“I don’t see why I should matter about her. Is she in trouble with the police?I don’t fucking care at all. _Kongeda_ it’s none of my business, not anymore.” he said, sitting down again on the bed. 

“You stupid egocentric asshole!” Titus roared. “Lexa vanished, Roan! Do you understand what it means?”. The youngest man swallowed. No, it couldn’t be true.

“What do you mean, priest?” he asked, concerned. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the truth. 

“She is gone. Almost three weeks ago she took the _Natblida_ and her brother with her and fled away. I don’t know why, nor where. She just vanished.” Titus explained. He was still incredulous. Roan’s jaw dropped. It couldn’t be possible. Lexa had never fled away. She was a fighter, a warrior, not a coward. 

“Nia came to me today. She proposed her own _Natblida_. Do you know a woman called Ontari?” Titus asked. Roan froze. That name recoiled horrendous memories in his mind. 

“Whatever you’re going to ask me, I can’t help you, priest. I want to keep on living, sorry.” he told Titus. He took some wine from the shelf and started drinking it. The _Fleimkepa_ immediately grabbed it from his hands and threw it on the floor.

“It was the best wine of the pub!” Roan attempted to protest, timid. 

“You are Roan kom Azgeda, for God’s sake! You are the only one who can stop Nia! Where is your pride? Where is your honor?” Titus tried to shake him.

“My honor disappeared when my mother, the Queen, banished me from Azgeda!” Roan retorted, angry. He needed Titus to go away and leave him alone. 

“Lexa did nothing to help me. She just sat on that throne and watched Nia kicking me and humiliating me. I won’t risk my life to help the one who helped my mother to make me a full nothingness!” he replied. Titus sighed. 

“You are the Prince, whether Nia wants or not. Let the shame go, Roan. Lexa was forced to act in a certain way, but she didn’t want to hurt you. She cared about you, you know that. I need you to stop Ontari and bring Lexa back. You are _Kongeda_ ’s last hope. Save Lexa. Save the _Natblida_. Save the Flame. Save _Kongeda_.”. Roan didn’t reply. Titus was right, he was aware of that. He shook his head. He had no choice.

“When should I leave?”.


	12. 11.You Are A Beam Of Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa talk and the brunette and Madi get closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, how are you? I hope everyone is safe and healthy.
> 
> So, this is one of my favorite chapters, I hope you like it too.  
> Thank you for the comments and the kudos.
> 
> See you next week!

** 11. **

> _I hear you cry  
>  From the other side  
>  [..]  
>  'Cause we live in darker times  
>  Open my eyes so I can see brighter  
>  And you are a beam of light  
>    
>  _
> 
> _(The Beths-You Are A Beam Of Light)_

When Lexa woke up, she was surprised to be in her bed. She didn’t even remember when she had fallen asleep. She yawned and stirred. Suddenly, she realized what had happened that night. She was getting up, when Clarke entered the room.

“Good morning, Lexa. How did you sleep?”. The brunette looked at her, a bit confused. 

“Aden! I mean...”

“I changed his bandage some hours ago, I’ll check him out later. He’s doing fine, his head hurts a bit, but it’s normal, I guess. So, how did you sleep?”. Lexa sighed. That woman was unbelievable.

“You didn’t have to, you know that?”. Clarke smiled at her. Her blue eyes were like windows to the sky. Lexa had never seen such amazing irises in her whole life. They were lively, full of joy and enthusiasm for everything. No one Lexa had met had such incredible eyes, not even Costia.

“I wanted to, Lexa. And you didn’t answer me, though.” Clarke replied, giggling. The brunette raised her hands. She laughed.

“Okay, you won. I slept well, I think. I didn’t dream about strange monsters, so I think it was okay. I don’t know how I could manage to reach my bed, but I’ll figure out.”. The blonde blushed. She bit her lip, a little embarrassed. 

“What?” Lexa asked. 

“I... well, you fell asleep after our little chat and so... I hope you don’t mind, I just wanted you to sleep comfortably in your bed.” Clarke explained. Lexa understood and started shaking her head. She was having fun of Clarke’s embarrassment. She found herself thinking of her life back in Polis. Before knowing Costia, she wasn’t exactly so quiet and responsible. She had responsibilities, of course, but she had used to have her head on the clouds. She loved going to parties and it wasn’t so unusual for her to wake up in strangers’ bed, sometimes alone, sometimes with other people. Nobody had never simply brought her to her bed, without asking her for something more. And she had used to act the same, too. She had started living a more stable life after her marriage with Costia. This was one of the reasons why she had decided to move from Polis to Shallow Valley. She needed to try to keep on living in a certain way, not for her, but for Aden and Madi. They were too important to keep on staying with her stupid and violent friends. Lexa knew that Madi would have suffered a lot because of her choice, but the girl would have understood sooner or later. 

“So, did you sleep there?” Lexa asked. Clarke nodded.

“I hope it‘s not a problem. I couldn’t leave you alone, it wouldn’t be fair. And I didn’t want you to kill Madi.”. They both laughed. A sudden doubt came to Lexa’s mind. What if Clarke thought that she could be violent on Madi? It would have been horrible. However, even if she wanted to ask the blonde, she didn’t say a word.

“What about having breakfast?” Clarke suggested. The brunette nodded and followed the doctor downstairs. Once in the kitchen, Lexa realized that they had no food at all, a part some milk and some cereals. 

“Maybe there is some bread left somewhere. I’m so sorry, Clarke. Madi had to go buy groceries, but she didn’t and so we have almost nothing. Lunch will be a disaster.”

“Is this the reason why you two argued yesterday? Madi told me you had grounded her, she was terrified. She didn’t want me to call you, Lexa. While we were waiting for you to arrive, she told me what had happened and really, I’ve never seen someone so scared.” Clarke said. That horrendous doubt hit Lexa again.

“You know that I wouldn’t touch Madi, nor hurt her, don’t you?” Lexa questioned then, serious. She didn’t want Clarke to think of her as a danger for Madi. She would have never harmed the girl. She loved her, even if she couldn’t show her properly. 

“I know, Lexa. If I didn’t think otherwise, I would have told Anya or Octavia. I just need to understand better. I want to help you and...”

“Why? Why do you want to help us? We’re nothing to you.” the brunette asked, a bit suspicious. In her experience, nobody really wanted to help and support others, but use them. She had used to act like that too. She couldn’t help, but feeling a bit ashamed thinking of her previous life in Polis. She had been living in Shallow Valley for two weeks and a half and everyone had treated her so kindly, so warmly. Thinking about her life in Polis, she felt it really inhumane. 

“Lexa I... It’s not true that you are nothing to me. This is a pure lie!” Clarke replied, while pouring some milk into a cup. 

“Yes, I know, I am Lincoln and Anya’s sister.” the brunette said. Clarke shook her head.

“No! I mean, yes, but this is not the whole point. You are a friend of mine, Lexa! And friends help each other. I swore Madi to back her and I want to keep the promise.”. She took a sip of milk and looked at the brunette. Lexa swallowed. She wanted to trust Clarke so badly, but she couldn’t. She needed time. She wasn’t used to all of that. 

“I just care, Lexa. About all the three of you.”. Lexa sighed. There was something so peaceful about Clarke. 

“We simply don’t get along well. I’m not her mother, after all. I mean nothing to her.”

“Bullshit.” Clarke let it slip from her mouth. “You might not be her biological mother, but you took her with you. You love her, it’s so clear. And she loves you, too.”. Lexa burst in laughter. 

“How can you say that she loves me? She hates me, she likes cussing at me and treating me in a really bad way. This isn’t love, Clarke. This is...”

“A test.”. The brunette gazed at the doctor, confused. 

“A what?” she asked.

“A test, Lexa. God, she needs to know that you want her. You said it right, you’re not her mom. This means that she constantly lives with the doubt of being a sort of a burden. Moreover, she is grieving. She misses Costia a lot, Lexa. She told me.”. Lexa’s jaw dropped. She knew that Madi missed her mom, it wasn’t a secret at all. But hearing it from Clarke’s mouth was like a punch in her stomach. She sat down and sighed. She didn’t know what to do. She would have died to bring Costia back to life. But it wasn’t possibile and being dead wasn’t even an option for her. 

“She is not the only one, Clarke. I loved her mother. I married her, for God’s sake!” Lexa finally said. The doctor shook her head. 

“You have to understand that it’s different, Lexa. She had lost her father and then you suddenly came to her life, taking his place.”

“I didn’t want to ta-...” Lexa was replying, but Clarke nodded her to let her talk.

“I know. But in her mind you were someone who was trying to take his father’s place. And then, her mother died too and she found herself and her brother with a stranger, someone who she can’t really understand what role plays in her life. She is confused, Lexa. I used to be like her when I was seventeen, but at least I had my friends helping me to realize that Marcus didn’t want to replace my dad at all. But Madi doesn’t have friends. She tolerates Charlotte’s presence in her life, but she doesn’t trust her. And she doesn’t trust you neither.” Clarke explained her. “You and Aden are everything she had from her previous life, but he is her brother, so the bond between them will always be really strong. The point is you, Lexa. Who do you want to be for her?”. Lexa was so confused. She had never thought of Madi like that and she didn’t know how to handle such a situation. 

“I don’t know. Yes, I may sound selfish, but I have no idea. I think... I think I just want to stay with her, as long as she allows me to do it.”. Lexa had never admitted such a truth, not even to herself. She was almost scared of that confession. Clarke smiled at her and entangled their hands. Lexa lost a beat because of that contact, but she hid it. It wasn’t nor the time, nor the place. 

“Madi cares about you. She is just scared. She had lost everyone and she is just fifteen. You have to prove her that you care about her too. And I know you think that you have been doing already a lot for her and it’s true, you have indeed. But you need to do more. You need to talk to her. You need to make her see that she is not a burden.”. Lexa felt tears on her cheeks. She knew that Clarke was right. She knew that she had to talk to Madi. But she was scared. Really, really scared.

“I will check Aden’s head, so you two can chat a bit.” Clarke told her, guiding her upstairs. She left Lexa in front of Madi’s door and smiled at her.

“You can do it.” she whispered in her ear, before entering Aden’s room. Lexa swallowed. She was terrified. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply.  _Now or never_ , she told herself. Lexa knocked the door and stood still, waiting for a sign of life that, instead, didn’t arrive.

“Madi? Can I?” the woman asked. No answers, just a whimper. Lexa entered the room slowly, still scared of what could have happened. Madi was on her bed, the face pushed against the pillow. She was silently crying and seeing her shaking while sobbing broke Lexa’s heart. She sat next to her, without touching her. 

“Madi.” she called her. Slowly, the girl turned to the woman. Her blue eyes had become red because of the tears. The two stood still like that, without talking. Lexa didn’t know how much time had passed.

“I miss her too.” she muttered. Madi widened her eyes. “I miss her so much, every day. I loved her and if killing myself would allow you to have her back, I will do it.”

“I don’t really want you to die.” Madi confessed with a tiny voice. Lexa smiled at her, tenderly.

“I know.” she reassured the teen. “I know you are angry and confused. I know you miss Polis. I know you don’t understand what is going on, but I want you to trust me. We can’t go back to Polis, it would be dangerous. I want you to be safe Madi and I’d do anything I can to protect you. I care about you, even if you don’t want me to.”. Madi sniffed and wiped her eyes from the tears. She didn’t know what to say. She would have never expected Lexa to talk to her like that. 

“Yesterday I... Ethan offered me some pills. I was so angry, I just wanted to... Well, I don’t really know what I wanted. However, I didn’t take them. I had locked Aden in the kitchen and probably he was trying to reach the cereal box when he fell. I thought I had killed him. I couldn’t lose Aden, not him. Not him.”. Madi burst in tears and Lexa didn’t think twice and hold her close against her chest. For the first time, she saw her not as the terrible teen who hated her, but as a fragile girl who probably felt guilty for her mother’s death. Lexa wanted to tell her that everything was gonna be alright, but she decided to remain in silence. Madi didn’t need words. She just needed a presence next to her, someone who could prove her that she was worth living. Lexa rocked her sweetly, thinking about Clarke’s question. _Who do you want to be for her?_ , the blonde had asked her. Lexa had not figured out yet an answer. However, there was one thing she was sure of. She wanted to be that presence next to Madi. Clarke was right. She needed to prove that girl that she wasn’t a burden. And she would have done that, at all costs. Madi stopped crying and looked at her. Her blue eyes were a crystalline window on an entire world full of thoughts and questions. 

“I’m still grounded, am I not?” she finally asked. Lexa giggled.

“Yes, probably. But nothing too serious, it’s a promise.” she said. Madi breathed in relief, relaxing a bit. And, behind the wall, Clarke couldn’t help, but smile seeing those two finally getting a little closer to each other.


	13. 12.Trying To Find A Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Madi bond, while Marcus gives Lexa some advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, how are you? I hope everyone is doing fine. 
> 
> So, this chapter is a little fluffy, but I hope that you will like it. Enjoy the fluff, as long as you can eheh. 
> 
> I want to thank you for the kudos and the amazing comments in the previous chapters. I love reading what you think of the story and you are always so kind, thank you so much.
> 
> I won’t bother you more.  
> See you next week!

1 **2**.

> _And the light in your eyes makes me feel  
>  Like there's something much better out there_  
>  _Something kind_
> 
> _ (Vertical Horizon-Trying To Find A Purpose) _

Clarke and Octavia were having breakfast. The brunette looked at her watch, a bit concerned. She was waiting for Anya to give her a lift. 

“She will be here soon” Clarke told her. 

“I hope so. Otherwise, we’ll be late and Pike will kill us.” 

“Still looking for that chicken? Maybe a wolf or a dog hunted it. Kara Cooper lives not far from the woods, after all.” the doctor suggested. Octavia shook her head.

“Yes, but I dare you to explain it to her.” she replied. Someone honking drew their attention. Octavia went brushing her teeth, while Clarke greeted Anya and Lexa.The brunette’s car was still broken, so her sister had to bring her to work and the kids to school. However, that day they had decided to let Madi go to Clarke’s, allowing her to skip a day of school. The girl got out of the car and ran to the blonde. The woman told her to go inside, in order to avoid a cold. The weather was freezing.

“Hi  _ Clack _ !” Aden greeted from the car, waving his tiny hand. 

“Hi little man.” Clarke replied, with a huge smile on her lips. 

“Griffin, do you know where O is? I guess she spent her morning complaining about me being late, while she still had to brush her teeth.” Anya claimed, getting out of the car, too. Lexa followed her a little later, wanting to wave goodbye to Madi. Octavia appeared from the bathroom, her toothbrush in her hand.

“Blake, you’re incredible! Come on, it’s late!” Anya started losing her patience. 

“Yes, town’s chickens need you.” Madi joked. Anya and Octavia rolled their eyes, while the others started laughing.

“Yes, mock us, but then don’t you dare to call us if your chickens disappear.” the brunette detective said, while wearing her shoes. 

“Why don’t you replace the lost one with another? I mean, that woman is crazy, but I don’t think that she would be able to recognize her chickens.” Clarke suggested. Anya scoffed. Unfortunately, Kara Cooper seemed to know all her pets and farm animals one by one. She used to call her chickens  _ babies _ , after all.

“Ethically talking, it would be disgusting.” the older Woods justified herself. It wasn’t totally a lie. 

“And at least we have something to do” Octavia added, heading to the car. The two detectives got in and waited for Lexa to join them. 

“Lexa, we have to go!” her sister exhorted her. 

“Yes, just a moment!” she replied. “Madi, please, behave well. And do your homework.” Lexa pleaded. The girl nodded and sat on the sofa, a bit fed up. Clarke giggled and walked her friend to Anya’s car.

“She will be fine, don’t worry. Now go.” she said, trying to reassure Lexa.

“Yes, but...”

“I will call if something’s wrong, don’t worry. Now go!” the doctor insisted. When she finally saw Lexa getting in the car, she joined Madi inside. The teen had turned on the TV and was watching what it seemed a really bad B movie. Clarke took the remote control and turned it off. 

“Hey!” Madi protested. 

“You’re still grounded, ma’am, don’t forget it.” the blonde explained. The teen snorted and looked at Clarke. The woman smiled at her and pointed the table. 

“You heard Lexa. Do your homework. I will stay with you here, I have to work with my PC.” she said, sitting at the table. Madi stood still for a while. She didn’t want to study. She hated doing it. 

“Come on. I feel lonely here.” Clarke called her, with a gaze full of understanding and tenderness. Madi sighed. Clarke reminded her of her mother so much. They both treated her in such a special way. Loving Aden was easy, he was a child after all. But Madi, she was a terrible mess. She always rejected everyone, so scared to hurt them and to be hurt herself. However, her mother had never distanced from her. She had never surrendered with her. And Clarke, she was acting the same. All Madi could do was stopping to run away and starting accepting that someone who cared about her existed. She shook her head and sat at the table. When she took her books from her bag, Clarke smiled. She wanted to talk to her, but she decided to stay silent and keep working. Madi had started to study and she didn’t want to distract her. So, they kept doing their stuff until lunch time. Clarke started cooking some food and asked Madi to help her. They were chopping some vegetables, when the teen accidentally cut her index finger. 

“Let me see.” Clarke told her, sweetly. Madi allowed the doctor to check her, a bit reluctant. 

“All right now, it’s just a nick. A patch will be enough.” Clarke stated, walking Madi to the bathroom. She opened the medicine cabinet and took a box full of patches. When she turned, Madi was sitting on the floor and she was crying. 

“Hey, it happens to hurt sometimes. This is why doctors exist.” Clarke tried to cheer her up, in vain. 

“Madi, what’s the matter?” she asked, worried. The teen raised her gaze and looked at her. 

“It hurts.” she murmured. Clarke bent down at her and caressed her hair. 

“Okay, but what’s the real problem?” she asked, while medicating the finger with the patch and some antiseptic. Madi breathed deeply. She was feeling so lost. 

“I’m not a burden, am I?” she finally found the forces to question. Clarke hugged her and kissed her forehead.

“You’re not, honey. I promise.”. Madi nodded and leant against Clarke’s chest. She sniffed and closed her eyes. All she needed was someone who could feel safe with.

“Honey.” Clarke called her. The girl wiped her eyes and looked at her. Maybe Clarke could be that safe place she was looking for so desperately, but she was too scared to find the truth. She didn’t want to deceive herself, not again.

* * *

“Lexa, what are you thinking about?” Marcus asked, curious. Lexa was so lost in her thoughts that she could barely hear the question. She turned to Kane and sighed. Aden was drawing, sitting on a chair. His head was still wrapped in the bandage and she knew that it would have still hurt him, even if he didn’t complain about it. 

“Lexa?”

“Yes. I... Sorry, I was thinking about Madi.” the woman confessed. Marcus stopped putting the CDs on the shelf and looked at her. The brunette bit her lip, a bit embarrassed. Marcus was her employer, not her mentor. 

“I don’t know what to do with her. Saturday was a disaster, Aden hurt his head and she told Clarke that she misses her mom and that she wanted to die. I have never thought about her feeling a burden to me. At the same time, she always rejects me and, even if I try to make her open up, she ends up shutting herself away. I’m scared and I feel so useless. Moreover, I don’t have any idea of a Christmas present for her.” she explained. Marcus tapped his chin, pensive. 

“Lexa, you know that Clarke is my step daughter, don’t you?”. The woman nodded, not understanding well what he was going to say. 

“Well, you can see us getting on really well nowadays, but it wasn’t like that back in the past. When her father died, it was a shock for everybody. He was my best friend, I loved him and his family. I was a detective back in those days. It was a rainy night and someone called the station and talked of a car crash. I was the one who had to go and check what was going on. The car was completely crushed. I was the last person who could see him alive, Lexa.”. The brunette was listening to him carefully, but she really couldn’t understand what was the point in telling her that story. However, she didn’t say anything and invited Marcus to keep talking.

“I quit my job and I decided to take over this store. I love music and when Jake was alive we used to go to concerts with Clarke. She really enjoys metal and rock music, even if she doesn’t show it. However, when her father died, Clarke shut away completely. You see her so life enthusiastic, but she wasn’t like that back then, trust me. She used to spend her whole days in her room, doing nothing. Her mom, Abby, was desperate and she asked for help. We had always been friends, but we got closer. We didn’t want, but sometimes things happen and you can’t do anything. We were scared to tell Clarke, so we decided to keep it secret. It was the worst choice of my entire life.”

“She found out, didn’t she?” Lexa tried to guess. Marcus nodded.

“She hated me, Lexa. She hated me in a way that I couldn’t think it was humanly possible. She treated me in a really bad way, she yelled at me, of course she didn’t listen to a single word I said to her and once she tried to punch me.”. Lexa widened her eyes. She couldn’t believe the Clarke she knew had used to be such a person. Marcus chuckled.

“Oh, don’t worry, she was drunk. She wouldn’t have been able to hit a tree.” the man told her. “I wanted you to know that it’s normal for kids like Madi to behave like that. She saw me like someone who wanted to replace his dad. Of course I didn’t want to do something like that, but it wasn’t important. The only thing that mattered was what she thought.”. Lexa sighed. What Madi thought of her was really clear. Yes, she had told her that she didn’t want her to be dead, but that didn’t mean that she liked her. She shook her head. 

“Tell me your secret, then. How were you able to fix your relationship with Clarke?” she asked, expecting the man to give her a magical plan. 

“Patience, Lexa. All you need is patience.”. The brunette wanted to laugh. She raised her hands and put a hand through her hair. She couldn’t believe it. Patience. As she had not had patience enough. 

“Madi needs time. I don’t know your story at all, but I’m almost hundred percent sure that she feels guilty for her mother’s disappearance. She sees you as a stranger trying to intrude her family and she needs time to understand that all you want to do is care for her. Time is the key. Time and friends who can help you both.”. Lexa leaned against the wall. Marcus’ words had sense. She sighed. Time. She had never had it. And maybe Shallow Valley would have given it to her, for the first time in her life.

* * *

“A basketball game? But it’s freezing!” 

“Oh, come on! You won’t have another chance like this. So, free throws. Every time one of us cans a free throw, the other will tell her something about herself.”

“What if I miss my free throw?” Madi asked, not so sure that she wanted to play. 

“You will tell something about yourself.” Clarke explained. 

“You know that I play basketball at school, don’t you?” 

“Yes, I know. And this is why I’ll start!” Clarke replied, throwing the ball. Madi couldn’t help, but watch the ball entering the basket. She rolled her eyes. She felt trapped. On the other side, Clarke was dancing with the ball in her hands.

“So, come on! Tell me something about yourself.” she exhorted the teen. Madi sighed. She could only surrender.

“I listen to metal music.” she said. Clarke raised her brows.

“Everyone knows that you listen to metal Madi. Tell me something that I don’t know.”. The teen snorted. She knew she had no choice.

“I listen to metal music a lot. I love power metal, progressive metal, death metal and so on. I really love Blind Guardian’s music and I also like rock and folk music, in particular artists like Bruce Springsteen, U2, Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, but the truth is that I have a weakness for Dolly Parton. Don’t tell anyone, please.”. Clarke zipped her mouth with her fingers and waited for Madi to do her free throw. 

“Your turn!” the girl claimed. Clarke tapped her chin. She bit her lip.

“I love metal and rock music, too. I used to go to concerts when I was your age. My first CD was a Death one,  _The Sound Of Perseverance._ My dad bought it for me.”. Madi’s jaw dropped. 

“Really?” she asked. Clarke nodded and threw the ball. She scored.

“Back in Polis I had some friends. Lexa didn’t like them, but I didn’t care. We loved skateboarding and doing graffiti. Once, the police took us to the station for that.” Madi told Clarke, proud of that little experience. “Your turn!” she added, scoring. 

“Once I stole some clothes in a store. When the alarm rang, I started running so fast. I felt cool, until my dad found out what I had done.”

“Did he hurt you?” Madi worried. 

“No!” Clarke hurried to clear. “He was a detective.”. Madi started laughing. 

“You were so unlucky.”

“Well, Anya is a detective, too. You are in the same condition as me.” Clarke replied. 

“Fuck, you’re right.” the girl realized. And, while the woman started laughing too, Madi thought that maybe a safe place for her existed. She just needed time to trust someone again. 


	14. 13.Accidental Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Christmas time in Shallow Valley and Lexa and the kids go to their first Christmas lunch ever. Clarke and Lexa get really closer, while somewhere else something really bad happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I hope that everyone is doing fine!
> 
> So, this is a Christmas chapter. Yes, I know that we are in February, but I wrote it some time ago. I hope you’ll like, I think that Aden is pretty cute in this. Let me know what you think, I love reading your thoughts.
> 
> Thank you for the comments and kudos in the previous chapter, I’m so happy that you are enjoying this story.
> 
> See you next week!

** 13. **

> _If it's all broken mirrors and a chance roll of the dice,  
>  Then I'll risk everything for a glimpse of accidental light._
> 
> _ (Sleeping At Last-Accidental Light) _

Christmas. Lexa had never really celebrated it. It could look strange, she knew it, but she had never been at home that day. She usually had a lot of stuff to think about. But that year it would have been different. Anya, Raven and Lincoln used to spend Christmas with Clarke’s family, so the doctor had decided to invite Lexa and the kids too at lunch at her mother’s house. The brunette had immediately tried to refuse, embarrassed by Marcus’ presence, but then the idea of Madi and Aden to finally celebrate a decent Christmas made her change her mind. Well, it wasn’t just that. She couldn’t lie to herself. Of course she wanted Madi and Aden to be happy, but she also wanted to celebrate Christmas with Clarke. She didn’t know what was the problem with her, but she needed to spend more time as possible with Clarke. She didn’t feel anything for her, they were just very good friends, but she needed her. Clarke was becoming more and more important to Lexa, in a way she had never thought it was possibile. She was a bit scared of it. Caring was dangerous.  Love is weakness , that was her motto. Every kind of love. And caring was love. Friendship was love. Whatever thing she was feeling for Clarke was love. And that meant it was weakness. She couldn’t be weak. Not again. Not after Costia.

“Lexa! Merry Christmas!” Abby greeted her, so happy to see her. “How are you? Here, give me your coat. Hi kids!”. Aden waved his hand and smiled at the older woman. He liked her, he didn’t know why. Maybe because she had cured his poor head. On the other side, Madi didn’t really cared about the woman. She didn’t know what she had to do. She had never celebrated Christmas and she didn’t really like family lunches. Too many people asking uncomfortable questions, not exactly her cup of tea. 

“Madi, how do you say?”. The teen rolled her eyes. 

“Good morning. Thank you for having us.” she greeted Abby, faking a happiness she wasn’t feeling. She sat at the table, starting to play with a glass. Lincoln joined her, sitting in front of her.

“Don’t you like Christmas?” he asked.

“Almost as you like Octavia flirting with that bartender working at _Callie’s Café_.” she replied, with a bitter tone. Lincoln’s eyes widened.

“How do you...”

“Oh, c’mon. Everybody knows it, it’s not a secret. But you have no chance, she doesn’t like you. At all.”. Lincoln swallowed. That girl who was supposed to be her niece had no right to destroy his few hopes of becoming Octavia’s boyfriend.

“I am so close. She will like me.”

“Yes, and I will enjoy staying here in this dead town.” Madi replied. Lincoln stood up and joined her sister and Raven. 

“That girl is the devil. Really, I don’t know how she did it, but she destroyed my feelings and...”

“Lincoln, everyone knows about your crush for Octavia. Stop it, please. Even O knows.” Raven said. “You just need to believe in yourself, man. Octavia will see what you’re worth and she will stop giving attention to that stupid asshole.”

“What is a  _tupid ashol_ ?” a tiny voice asked. Anya couldn’t believe they really had cussed in front of a five years old child. Aden was looking at her aunts and uncle with his big brown eyes, wondering for an answer. Raven decided to take the lead.

“It’s something you have to avoid saying, especially in front of your mama. Promise me, please.” she told the child, who shrugged, a bit confused.

“Okay.” he squeaked, jumping away and running to Lexa. The woman hugged him and allowed him to sit on her lap, while she was talking to Abby, Marcus, Nyko and Sinclair. 

“Where is  _ Clack _ ?” the child asked. 

“She is coming, she had to work tonight.” Abby explained. Aden cuddled up to Lexa’s chest, wondering why adults were so stupid to work on Christmas Eve. Suddenly, the door opened and Clarke magically appeared, bringing plenty of packets and baggies with her. She barely managed to put them under the big Christmas tree in the middle of the living room without throwing them on the floor. 

“Sorry for the delay. Guess who came to the E.R.”. Abby covered her eyes with her hands. 

“Again? That kid is incredible.” Sinclair commented, incredulous. 

“Yes, Adria Fish and her voracity stroke again. She ate a small Christmas ball this time.” Clarke explained. “But she drank some laxative and everything went well.”

“Okay, good to know, but go clean your hands Clarke. Lunch is ready!” Marcus announced, bringing the turkey to the table. They all sat and waited for Clarke in order to start eating. When the doctor entered the living room, Lexa’s heart almost skipped a beat. Clarke was stunning. She was wearing a blue dress and golden hair down perfectly framing her face, contrasting with her sapphire eyes. For a moment, Lexa thought that she had never seen someone so beautiful on Earth. She was so different from Costia. Her wife was beautiful, but in Clarke there was something else other than beauty. There was a sort of purity which elevated her. The brunette sighed, biting her lip. She couldn’t think something like that. Not after what had happened to Costia. Moreover, Clarke and she were friends and she didn’t want to ruin everything. The doctor was basically the only person who Madi almost trusted, Lexa didn’t want to risk. Third, she was having lunch at her mother’s home, on Christmas. She wasn’t so practical, but she was almost sure that she couldn’t have such thoughts about Clarke in such a context.

“Lexa, are you fine? You look pale.”. The brunette almost choked with her wine. She turned to the blonde. 

“Yes, I feel really well. I was just thinking.” 

“About what?” Clarke asked, curious. Lexa could feel all eyes on her. She blushed. 

“About... About...”. Madi rolled her eyes and mimicked the word  _ pathetic _ with her lips. “I was thinking that I am very lucky to have people like you in my life. In these twenty days you managed to make me... To make us feel at home. Thank you.” she said, hoping that everyone would had bought it. She wasn’t so sure of it, but nobody asked her anything, so she kept eating, masking her embarrassment. Madi looked at her in judgment and Lexa thought for a moment that her smart kid had understood everything. She prayed that she hadn’t, of course. 

“So, how was the turkey?” Marcus questioned, anxious. “Nyko and I have looked for the best damned bird the whole week.” he explained.

“It’s delicious, really.” Raven answered. 

“I see, you are eating Aden’s turkey too” Lincoln commented. Raven tried to hide under the table, in vain. Everyone started laughing. 

“It’s not funny, at all.” the Latina protested.

“Yes, it is.” Anya teased her.

“One could not appreciate a very good turkey, that everybody laughs at her. Aden, remember, nobody really will appreciate you in this life.”

“Raven! Stop teaching my kid something like that.” Lexa said. Her sister’s girlfriend raised her hands and asked for forgiveness. 

“Lexa is right. Everybody will appreciate my favorite little nephew.” Lincoln stated. 

“I was just joking.” Raven explained herself.

“You can’t say such things to a child.”

“Okay, mashed potatoes, anyone?” Abby tried to save the day.

“Me, thanks.” Clarke told. Everybody turned to her. 

“What’s the problem?” she asked. She only wanted some potatoes. 

“Merry Christmas!” finally Sinclair said, saving the situation, succeeding in quieting the atmosphere. And everybody silently thanked him.

* * *

  
“Can we open the gifts?” Aden asked. The lunch had finished for two hours and he couldn’t wait more. He wanted to know what Santa had brought to him.

“Yes, little man. You’re right, it’s gifts’ time!” Abby stated, sitting next the Christmas tree. The woman waited for everyone to come near her and started distributing packets and baggies. Aden shook his, trying to guess what there was inside. 

“Open it, sweetheart.” Lexa encouraged him. The child unwrapped the gift and immediately his lips pictured a huge smile. Between his hands there was a beautiful race car track set. He was excited. 

“Uncle  Liccol , can we try it now?” he requested, jumping around. The man smiled and nodded. 

“Sorry guys, I have a race to win.” he said, while standing up and helping the child to assemble the track. 

“What about you, Madi? Open your gifts!” Anya encouraged her niece. The girl unwrapped her packets, silently. 

“Thank you, Marcus.” she said, thanking him for the beautiful Slayer sweatshirt. 

“Hey, that was my present for you!” Lexa claimed. Madi shook her head.

“We all know that Marcus helped you with it.” she replied. She didn’t want to sound so harsh, but she knew that that was the truth. She unwrapped the second gift and widened her eyes. She looked at Clarke, shocked. It was a rare and very expensive physical copy of Tool’s last album. 

“Thank you.” she muttered, so happy. Lexa had never seen her like that after Costia’s death. She gazed grateful at Clarke, thanking her with her eyes. She sighed. The doctor knew how to handle Madi and the brunette found herself thinking that if it wasn’t for her, everything would have been really worse. 

“Lexa, this is for you and Madi. Before unwrapping it, promise us you won’t get mad.” Anya told her. Lexa raised her brows, confused. When she had unpacked her gift, she understood what her sister was meaning. They had bought Madi and her two mobiles. 

“It was a Clarke’s idea.” Raven said, raising her hands. The blonde laughed.

“I don’t know what’s your problem with phones, but you both needed a mobile. The SIM cards are already inside, alongside our cell numbers. These are basic models, but we thought it was a necessary step for you both.” she explained. Lexa looked at that present. She was scared. Owning a mobile phone would have made Madi and her less invisible, but she was also aware that she couldn’t go on like that forever. Not after that disastrous night that ended with Aden hurting his head.

“Thank you.” she said. Everybody breathed in relief, happy that she had accepted their gift. 

“Well, it’s time to go to Bellamy and Echo’s.” Raven suddenly stated. “Are you coming, Clarke?” she asked. The blonde bit her lip. She sighed and shook her head. 

“No, I can’t. Not today. You know, Rae, I...”

“Don’t worry, Clarke. Everything is all right.” the brunette reassured her. Lexa was confused. She didn’t understand what was going on. 

“Lexa, do you want to come with us? Every Christmas we go to the Blake’s. There will be Charlotte too, so if Madi wants to join us, she won’t be bored.”

“Yes, can I go to Charlotte’s?” the fifteen year old begged. Lexa turned to Clarke. The doctor looked a bit sad and she couldn’t understand what was the problem. 

“I will stay here, but Madi can come with you. Let’s try our new phones.” she joked. Madi chuckled and followed Raven and Anya to the car. Only after some minutes Lexa realized that she didn’t own a car. 

“I will give you a lift, don’t worry.” Lincoln told her. 

“No, go to the Blake’s. I will bring her home.” Clarke claimed, implying that he had no choice, but listen to her. The two women stayed for another hour, helping Abby to tidy the house. When Lexa found Aden asleep on the couch, she thought that maybe it was time for them to go back home. 

“Mom, we’re going to Lexa’s.” Clarke announced. The older woman waved them goodbye and hugged her daughter. 

“You can’t avoid him every Christmas, Clarke.” she murmured, concerned. 

“Not now, mom. I can’t, I’m sorry.”

“You know it wasn’t your fault, do you?” Abby told the blonde, receiving back a small and insecure nod. Lexa was more and more confused, but she didn’t ask anything. It was none of her business, after all. She waited for Clarke to be ready and, with Aden between her arms, she got in the car. 

“Is everything okay?” she asked, noticing how the doctor’s mood had been changed in such a few time. 

“Yes, I’m just really tired. Night shifts are always difficult, even in small towns.” Clarke answered. Lexa didn’t buy it, but she didn’t insist. 

“Well, here we are.” the blonde said. She helped Lexa with all the packets and Aden.

“That’s twenty bucks.” she joked. Lexa laughed. She turned to the backseat and took a tiny packet, giving it to Clarke. 

“Lexa, you didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to. C’mon, unwrap it! It’s just a little something.” the brunette replied. The doctor smiled and unwrapped the packet. When she saw what Lexa had given her, her jaw’s dropped. It was a picture of the Woods with Clarke, taken during the lunch at Nyko’s. 

“Lexa, this is beautiful. Thank you.”

“No, thanks to you, Clarke. Not just for the gifts and the lunch, but for everything you’ve done for me and the kids since we met.”. The blonde smiled and Lexa couldn’t help, but realize how she loved that smile. It was so pure, so true. 

“I care about you. It’s the bare minimum, really.” Clarke replied.

“Madi loves you. You are helping her so much, I’m serious.”

“And you’re raising two kids, on your own, in a good way. Don’t underestimate yourself, Lexa Woods.” the blonde told the brunette. “Next week I want to take you to a walk in the woods.”. Lexa nodded.

“It would be a pleasure.” she claimed. A peaceful silence surrounded them. They stood still, without saying a word. Green and blue chained, incapable to free from that magnetic binding. 

“I... I have to go.” Clarke suddenly muttered. She moved closer to Lexa. The brunette swallowed. When she felt two soft lips on her cheek, she froze. 

“Goodnight, Lexa.” Clarke whispered, gently. The brunette watched her getting in the car again. She waved goodbye with her hand. She touched her cheek, still incredulous for Clarke’s soft and beautiful kiss. She sighed. She was screwed. Definitely.

* * *

The man was watching a movie on TV, when the doorbell rang. 

“I’ll get it, mom! Don’t worry!” he said to an old woman. He stood up and opened the door. A tall young woman with dark hair and the face covered in scar stood in front of him. He knew her by fame. He closed the door behind him and went outside. It was freezing, but he couldn’t risk to put his mother in trouble.

“Ontari kom Azgeda, the pleasure is yours. What do you want?” he started talking. The woman grinned.

“You are Ilian kom Trishanakru, aren’t you?” she asked. The man nodded.

“Where is she? Where did she go? And where is the Natblida?”. Ilian scoffed. 

“I don’t know. She vanished and she didn’t told me anything. I’m sorry, I can’t help you, nor that crazy witch that you call Queen.”. The punch was really painful and he found himself on his knees.

“Where are they?” Ontari asked again, spelling it out in a very annoying way.

“I don’t know.” Ilian answered, spelling it out too. Ontari hit him on the face. 

“Merry Christmas, Trishanakru scum.” she whispered, kicking him in the chest. He watched her going away, incapable to move. A hand covered his mouth. The last thing he felt was a terrible head pain. Then, darkness surrounded him.


	15. 14.Hurt Less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya and Octavia have to face something horrible, while Lexa worries for Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I hope you are okay.
> 
> So, this chapter is really important, a serious turning point. I hope you like it, let me know what you think about it. 
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and the comments, I really appreciated them.
> 
> See you next week!

** 14. **

>   
>  _I just don't want to be alone_  
>  _And as long as you're not tired yet_  
>  _Of talking, it helps to make it hurt less_
> 
> _(Julien Baker-Hurt Less)_

“Good morning.” Octavia greeted everyone at the station. She was really sleepy and all she wanted was going to bed again.

“Hello Blake! Late night, uh? Who did you have fun with tonight? Oh, let me guess, he works in a very boring café and he has a very small...”

“Collins, if you don’t close that fucking mouth, I will close it by myself.” Octavia threatened him, sitting down at her desk. She massaged her temple and yawned. She didn’t sleep so much the last few nights. It wasn’t totally her fault. She celebrated New Year’s Eve two days before and she went to bed around six in the morning, while that night her dog started barking desperately. Clarke was working at the hospital and Octavia couldn’t calm it. So yes, she didn’t sleep properly thanks to someone called Spike. 

“Hey partner! I brought you some coffee.” Anya said, giving her the hot drink. 

“Thanks Anya. This night was a mess, probably Clarke slept more than me.” Octavia told her friend. Anya sat next to her. She looked concerned.

“Raven phoned her yesterday. You know, she didn’t come to Monty’s on New Year’s Eve.”

“As usual, An.”

“Yes, I know, but normally she feels well the day after. She started being workaholic again, didn’t she?”. Octavia sighed. She nodded. 

“But she promised me that next week she won’t work. I talked to Abby, she is a bit worried too, but she told me that we need to keep calm and just love her.” the brunette explained. Anya bit her lip. She was saying something, when Jasper suddenly appeared and walked to them.

“Hello detectives.” he greeted them, kindly. 

“Hi Jasper. How are you today?” Octavia asked his friend. 

“I’m fine. Don’t you ask me how does Maya feel?”. The woman shook her head. She always forgot to do it. 

“How does Maya feel, Jasper?”. The police officer smiled. He was so happy to talk about his lovely girlfriend. He loved her so much. 

“She feels great. She is at home at the moment.” he answered. 

“Why aren’t you with her, freak?” Finn questioned, with a really annoying tone. Octavia had to stop Anya to punch him on the face.

“Just joking, you’re too sensitive.” he commented, before going in another room. 

“I fucking hate him.” Anya hissed, sitting again. She started signing some papers and snorted. She had forgotten about Kara Cooper’s chicken.

“It’s been missing for almost a month. Soon a new chicken will vanish and she will go crazy.” 

“So, Sherlock, do you have any idea? Probably it was a wolf or a cat. She lives near the woods, it wouldn’t be strange.” Octavia told her. Anya shook her head. 

“I don’t know. I mean, yes, maybe you’re right, but what if there is a serial killer who kills chickens?” Anya assumed. Octavia blinked twice. She couldn’t believe she had really heard those words.

“Anya, are you serious? A serial killer who kills chickens?”. The brunette was incredulous. 

“Well, why not? This town is so dead, some people just need to have fun.” Anya explained. Octavia rolled her eyes and decided to ignore her partner. That conversation was becoming surreal. She sighed and leant on the chair. 

“Blake, Woods, with me!” a voice ordered. The two women turned. In front of them a bald dark skin guy stood still, with a concerned look on his face. 

“Sheriff, what happened?” Anya asked. She had never seen him with such a gaze. 

“I’ll tell you once in the car. Collins, Miller, come with us!” he said, vague. Charles Pike was a not so tall man, with a really authoritative behavior and an annoying sense of superiority. Octavia and Anya didn’t like him at all, especially since when he had started to appreciate Finn Collins’ person. 

“Where are we going, boss?” Miller asked. He was a young guy, very kind and generous. He was a close friend of Octavia’s brother and she thought he was a really good person. As opposite as Finn.

“To Wallace’s ranch. I can’t say more at the moment.” Pike answered. The four cops were more and more confused. Finally, they arrived at Dante Wallace’s ranch, a really huge estate with plenty of animals and plantations. He was a really eccentric man, a bit misanthrope. His son, Cage Wallace, was Shallow Valley’s mayor, but the two didn’t really get along well. The truth was that he didn’t get along with anybody. The old man was leaning to his house’s walls, surrounded by forensics. He looked really angry and nervous and he was yelling against everyone.

“So, you four, follow me.” Pike said, nodding at his men. When Anya and Octavia saw what was going on, they jolted. The brunette covered her mouth, backing a puke. Her partner stood still in shock, while Miller and Finn swallowed in disgust. On the ground there was a pale corpse of a brunette woman, fully covered of blood and worms. Octavia looked at Pike, horrified. Wallace reached the two, annoyed. 

“When are you going to move this disgusting thing away? My cows almost puked when they saw it.”

“Soon, Mister Wallace. But I need to know how you found it.” Pike told the old man. Wallace snorted and looked at the two detectives, who were watching him with a gaze full of questions.

“Well, I was sleeping when I heard a strange noise from the outside. I woke my dog and I went out in order to understand what was going on and I found this horrendous thing on my salad.” the old man explained. 

“May you stop referring to that dead woman as a  _ thing _ ? Thank you.” Anya said. She was starting to feel really uncomfortable. A corpse. She had never seen a corpse. There had never been a homicide in Shallow Valley. 

“Forensics said that the woman was beaten and tortured and that the killer slaughtered her.” Miller stated. 

“On my salad?” Wallace asked, disgusted.Octavia rolled her eyes and moved to the car, followed by Anya and Pike. 

“Blake!” he called her. “Nobody has to know. Citizens would be terrified.”

“Too late.” Finn pointed out. Bellamy was already there, with his notebook and curiosity. Octavia groaned and walked to her brother. 

“Go away. There’s nothing for you and your stupid newspaper.” 

“Good morning to you too, O. C’mon, two detectives, two cops and a sheriff at Dante Wallace’s estate? Really? What is going on?” Bellamy tried to insist, but Octavia was determined to push him away. 

“Just a false alarm.”she lied. Bellamy didn’t buy it, but he knew when it was time to stop. He waved goodbye to his sister and turned, walking to the car. He got in and watched Octavia talking with her colleagues. In his entire life he had never seen her sister so devastated. Whatever thing she had witnessed, it should had been horrendous. And he would have found out what it was, at all costs. 

* * *

Lexa was reading a book, lost in her thoughts. The days after Christmas had been very intense and strange. She didn’t see Clarke. Apparently, she always had to work. Lexa tried to ask Anya and Raven if everything was alright, but they didn’t really answered her. She hoped to meet her at least at New Year’s Eve party at Monty’s, but she wasn’t there. Raven and Octavia told her that she was in hospital for a night shift. And when she went to her the day after, she was still at the hospital, working. She was starting to get very worried, but she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know Clarke so well, probably it was normal routine for her. In few days Marcus’ store would have opened again and she should have rest as long as she had the chance to do it. Madi was with Charlotte, Aden was playing in his room and she was on her own on her sofa. She had one shot to rest and stop worrying about the world and her future. She sighed. She stood up and walked to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and realized that it was empty. She had forgotten to buy groceries.  Great , she thought. 

“Aden, come downstairs! I have to go for a couple of hours.” she called the child. When he had joined her, Lexa walked him to Raven and Anya’s, hoping that at least one of them was at home. Fortunately, her sister’s girlfriend had not to go to work that day. 

“What can I do for you two?” she asked, quite surprised to find the green eyes woman and her son in front of her. 

“I have to go to the supermarket and I don’t want to bring him with me. You know, it’s freezing and I just need to buy some food. Can you take care of him just for a hour? I will be back as soon as possible.”. Raven bit her lip. She loved Aden, but she had other plans for that morning. 

“If it’s not a problem, of course.” Lexa subtly insisted. The Latina sighed.

“Okay, but don’t be late. See you later!”

“Thank you, Rae. I will be as fast as possible, I promise.”. Lexa started the car, praying that the mechanic had done a good job, and drove through the small town, to the supermarket. She stopped the car and ran into the store. She only wanted to buy something and then go home. She was walking around through the market, when she heard someone sobbing. She turned and gasped. In front of here there was a very sad and crying Clarke, still wearing her uniform. Lexa didn’t know what to do. She desired to help her and ask her what was going on, but she didn’t want to scare her. 

“Clarke, are you okay?” she tried to approach her. The blonde jolted and when she realized who there was in front of her, she tried to step back. 

“Clarke, it’s Lexa. Please, don’t go away.”. The doctor found herself with the back against the shelves, forced to stop her escape attempt. Lexa, a bit hesitant, hugged her. Clarke couldn’t help, but start crying against her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” she muttered between her tears.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” the brunette tried to calm her down. “Follow me, I’ll get you in my car.” she whispered. Clarke nodded and let Lexa walk her outside the store. They got in the car and Clarke allowed herself to start crying again. Lexa felt her heart breaking in her chest. She had never seen Clarke in such a state. She rocked her, humming. She waited for the blonde to calm, patiently. 

“Clarke, I’ve got you. I’m here.” she whispered. The doctor wiped her eyes and looked down. She didn’t want Lexa to see her like that. She didn’t want her to know what a mess she was. 

“What is going on? Did somebody hurt you? Where have you been?”. Clarke swallowed. Too many questions and too many painful answers. She couldn’t tell her the truth. She didn’t want to lose her, she didn’t even know why. All the blonde knew was that she needed Lexa by her side and that she couldn’t risk to lose her because of her messy past. 

“I was working. I had really tough shifts and...”. Lexa stopped her. She raised Clarke’s chin with her index finger, forcing the doctor to look at her straight in her eyes. Her heart jumped in her chest. Even if red because of the tears, the blue that colored Clarke’s eyes was so intense, a slice of sky on the blonde’s face. Clarke couldn’t help, but melt too. Lexa was gazing at her in such a way she had never experienced. The brunette was there, for her, with no prejudices nor pity. Clarke sniffed and bit her lip.

“Hey... Talk to me, please.” Lexa insisted. 

“I can’t, I... I need to get out and...”

“Clarke.” Lexa stopped her rambling. “I’ve got you.” she repeated, firmly. Clarke couldn’t fight anymore. It wouldn’t have had sense. She swallowed, so insecure whether talk or not. 

“I’m sorry for being disappeared, Lexa. And I’m sorry you had to witness this whole situation. I... It’s that time of the year, I will be better in few days.” she began. Lexa was listening carefully, trying to understand what hurt that beautiful blonde doctor next to her. 

“I killed a patient three years ago.” Clarke finally confessed. “Wrong diagnosis. I had never lost someone before and she... I knew her, Lexa. She should had been married January, the second. I ruined everything.”. Lexa held her close to her chest. She cradled her gently without saying a word and Clarke couldn’t help, but be thankful for that. She didn’t need discourses. She only needed someone by her side, ready to take care of her grief. 

* * *

“Anya, welcome back, I didn’t expect you for lunch. How was you d...-“. Raven stopped talking and ran to her girlfriend. The blonde was crying sitting on the floor, her knees on her chest. 

“Baby, what happened?” she asked, really worried. She had never seen her girlfriend like that. 

“Baby, please, tell me.” she insisted, as she couldn’t hear any answer. Anya hid her face in her girlfriend’s neck. Flashes of that horrendous corpse covered in blood kept torturing her mind. She tightened Raven’s sweatshirt, like a baby in her mother’s arms. 

“I can’t.” she muttered. Pike ordered her and her colleagues to keep the secret and she had to obey. She hoped her girlfriend would have understood. Raven kissed the top of her head and said nothing. 

“Rae.” Anya whispered, raising her gaze.

“Yes, baby.”

“Stay with me, please. Stay with me.”.


	16. 15.Realize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven goes to Clarke asking for help with Anya. Lincoln and Lexa talk and the brunette realizes something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, how are you? I hope you’re fine. Unfortunately, I don’t feel very well these days, but it will get better.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is a bit more relaxed than the previous one and Lexa and Lincoln start bonding. I really love how I portrayed Lincoln in this story, I hope you like him too.
> 
> Let me know what you think about the chapter and story in general, I love reading your thoughts. 
> 
> Thank you for the comments and the kudos. See you next week!

** 15. **

> _Take time to realize_   
>  _That your warmth is_   
>  _Crashing down on me_
> 
> _(Colbie Caillat-Realize)_

A sudden cry woke Raven up. Anya was screaming and kicking to literally nowhere, desperately.Raven was scared. It had been two days since her girlfriend started to be tormented by horrible nightmares. She gripped Anya’s wrists and started calling her, hoping she would have woken up.

“Anya! Baby, please, open your eyes. Baby, please.” she kept saying. Finally, Anya woke up and hid her face into Raven’s neck. She burst in tears and the brunette couldn’t help, but worry even more than before. She rocked her girlfriend and kissed her temple, waiting for her to calm. 

“Baby, what’s going on? Please, talk to me.” she told her. Anya bit her lip in such a violent way, that she was afraid to wound it.

“Anya, please. You can’t go on like this.” Raven insisted. The blonde sighed. Her girlfriend was right, she knew it, but she had an order to obey to. 

“Did something happen at work? Did someone harass you?” Raven kept asking. She was so worried. Anya sank her head into her hands, desperate. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t disobey Pike, but at the same time she couldn’t keep avoiding her girlfriend. She gazed at Raven. 

“It was just a nightmare. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you.” she minimized, standing up. Raven grabbed her wrist and made her turn. She looked furious.

“I need to get dressed and go to work, Rae.” Anya said.

“No, you need to talk to me!” Raven shouted. Anya swallowed. Yes, she needed it, but she couldn’t. 

“I’m sorry.” she whispered. Raven couldn’t help, but watch Anya disappear in the bathroom. She snorted and lied down to her bed again.

“Rae.” Anya called her. “I love you, you know that?”. Raven didn’t looked at her. She didn’t even talk. She just stayed in her bed, waiting for Anya to go away. Once she was sure that she was alone, she got up and had breakfast. She barely drank her milk. She was so angry and worried. She couldn’t understand why Anya didn’t want to open up with her, her girlfriend. Raven couldn’t handle that situation anymore. She stood up and got dressed and, locked the door, she got in the car. She started driving, headed to Clarke’s. She knew that the blonde wasn’t feeling well, but she didn’t care. She needed her best friend. She knocked the door, waiting for Clarke to open it. 

“Shit, she would be at the hospital.” she cussed. She was going away, when a really sleepy Clarke opened the door and gazed at her. The blonde didn’t look very well. Her hair was messy and there were two huge dark circles around her blue eyes.

“God Clarke, you look horrible!”. The doctor rolled her eyes.

“Good morning to you too, Rae. Do you want to come inside? Or do you prefer to become a snowman?” she asked, ironic. 

“I would be the most fabulous snowman of the town, but no thanks, I’d stick to your invitation.” Raven stated, going inside the house. She took away her coat and sat on the sofa, while Spike welcomed her barking playfully. Suddenly, she started feeling guilty. She abandoned her best friend during those that were the most difficult days of the year for her. Clarke seemed to read the brunette’s mind and sat next to her.

“Don’t worry, Rae. I feel way better and the hospital sent me home for a week and a half.” she reassured her friend.

“Lexa told me about what happened in the supermarket. You know that it wasn’t your fault, don’t you?”. Clarke shook her head. She smiled, softly. 

“No, I don’t. But it’s okay, Rae. I will, one day.” she said. “Well, let’s stop talking about me. What’s the matter? Did you argue with Anya?”

“How do you know?” Raven asked.

“Oh, c’mon, you always have this gaze when the two of you argue. What’s the problem?”. Raven scratched the back of her head. Yes, what was the problem? She didn’t really know.

“How is Octavia? Did she tell you something about her job?”. Clarke shrugged.

“Not so much. Well, I’ve been mostly at the hospital, so we didn’t really had time to talk. She looked a bit more stressed than normal, that’s true, but...”

“Great, I was right. It was something at work.” Raven said, interrupting her friend. Clarke looked at her, confused. 

“Two days ago Anya came back home in tears, shocked. She didn’t explain me what had happened and I decided to not push her. However, she keeps having nightmare and I’m starting to worry. She should have witnessed something terrible at work.” the brunette explained. Clarke raised her brows.

“Something terrible? Here? In Shallow Valley? And what? Giant chickens?” 

“I’m serious, Clarke. I love her and I don’t know what to do to help her. She keeps telling me that she can’t talk to me, but I really can’t understand why. I am her girlfriend, for fuck’s sake!”

Raven said, desperately. Clarke hugged her and kissed her temple. 

“Give her time and space. She would talk to you. Maybe now she can’t do it because of Pike, have you considered that?”

“No, I haven’t.” Raven admitted, a bit shameful. Clarke smiled at her.

“She knows you love her. She just needs to understand how to cope with whatever is haunting her at the moment. Just be there, for her. She will find her way back to you.” she said. Raven gazed at her friend. 

“Are you still talking about Anya?” she asked. Clarke sighed.  _ Touché _ . 

“You know what, I didn’t expect you to open up with Lexa. And she was impressed too. Yes, she told me that you talked to her, Clarke. You know, maybe Lexa will be your way back.”. The doctor’s eyes widened. 

“What are you talking about? I thought you have some problems with your girlfriend.” 

“Not anymore. You opened my eyes, while yours are still pretty shut.” Raven replied, with a smirk on her face. Clarke groaned. She couldn’t believe that they were really talking about Lexa like that. 

“She is just a friend, Rae.” Clarke tried to cut it short.

“Does she know? I mean, have you noticed how she looks at you?” Raven insisted. 

“Reyes, there is nothing between Lexa and me. Nothing.”. The brunette smirked.

“Yes, nothing. As you wish, Griffin. As you wish.”. 

* * *

“What a hook, sister! Where did you learn it?” Lincoln asked, fascinated by Lexa’s boxe skills. The woman had left Aden with Madi at Charlotte’s and had accepted her brother’s invitation at his gym. She needed to relax and to release the accumulated tension of the last few days. Finding Clarke in that store and in those conditions was a shock for her. She knew that tough periods exist for everyone, but she still didn’t expect to see one of the most important people of her new life like that. She was so lost in her thoughts, that she couldn’t see Lincoln’s uppercut against her. She found herself on the floor, in pain. 

“Lexa, are you okay?” her brother asked, worried. The woman nodded, smiling. She stood up without problems, stretching her neck. 

“I’m ready for the next round.” she claimed, jumping on the ring. Lincoln shook her head and said no with his head. 

“You need some rest. Come on, let’s sit for a while.” he said, heading towards some benches. He sat down, waiting for his sister to join him. Lexa snorted, pretending to be annoyed, and finally sat down next to him. She had never been alone with her brother and she wanted to know him better. Lincoln was a very kind guy and Lexa liked him. He was generous and he got along well with Aden. Even Madi seemed to enjoy his presence, at least more than Anya’s. He had opened that gym some years before and, for him, that was the most important place in his life. 

“It’s really beautiful, Linc. I’m serious, it’s wasted on this town.”. Lincoln gazed at her sister with an indecipherable look on his face and Lexa realized immediately what she had just said.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disrespect you or Shallow Valley. I really like this town and moving here was probably one of the few good choices I made in my life.” she stated. 

“What are the others?” Lincoln asked. Lexa gasped. She didn’t expect such a question. She turned to her brother and smiled. She definitely knew the answer.

“Well, marrying my wife and adopting Aden and Madi, with no doubts.” she answered, giggling at the shocked look on Lincoln’s face. 

“I... I didn’t know you have a wife.”

“Well, I haven’t, not anymore. She... I’m... Costia is not with us. She left us.” she confessed, in a whisper. 

“I’m sorry.” Lincoln said. And he really was. He didn’t know Lexa really well, but he couldn’t help, but want the best for her and her kids.

“It’s okay.” she said. It was a lie and she knew it. It wasn’t okay. Costia had died because of her, she was aware of that. The image of her dead body, covered in blood, popped in her mind. 

“Lexa?” Lincoln called her, bringing her back to the present. Yes, the present. Costia had been her past, a parenthesis in her messy and dangerous life, what would have her present and her future been? Lexa had no answers. She only knew that she didn’t want to end up alone for the rest of her life. She needed someone to open up to, she was sure of that. But she couldn’t allow herself to put anyone else in danger. Even if she really liked her.

“Sorry, I was just overthinking.” Lexa said to Lincoln, realizing he had asked her something.

“Don’t worry. I just wanted to know how are you doing with Clarke.”

“What?”. Lexa almost started laughing. What was Lincoln supposed to tell her?

“Oh, c’mon! I saw how you look at her.”. The woman blushed.  Fuck , she cussed mentally. 

“I don’t look at her in any particular way.” she objected. Lincoln smirked, eyes fixed on her. Lexa groaned. 

“I don’t.” 

“Yes, you do.” his brother replied, giggling. Lexa rolled her eyes. She snorted.

“Okay, maybe I do. A bit.” she admitted. “I mean, Clarke is a beautiful clever and kind woman, it’s impossible to not look at her in a special way.” 

“I don’t look at her in any special way. You like her, it’s clear.”. Lexa opened her mouth in order to reply, but she couldn’t say anything. Lincoln was right, she knew that. She liked Clarke, a lot. She felt attracted to her. It wasn’t just her beauty. Yes, Clarke was a really beautiful woman, but it wasn’t just like that. It was how she treated her, how she cared for her and her kids, how she smiled, how she loved her friends, how...

“You have a crush.” Lincoln stated, snapping two fingers in front of Lexa’s eyes. 

“Okay, maybe I have a crush.” she finally admitted. “But it will pass.”. Lincoln’s enthusiasm completely faded. He looked at his sister, trying to understand why she wouldn’t allow herself to have fun. 

“Linc, I don’t feel it at the moment. I’ve just lost the woman I loved and, moreover, Madi feels really attached to Clarke. I don’t want to take something else from her, it’s not fair.” Lexa explained. His brother felt stupid. 

“Sorry, I was inappropriate. Losing the person you love should be horrible.” he said. “But promise me that you won’t close to the chance of being happy again. I’m not talking about Clarke, just in general. You can count on me Lex, I swear.”. Lexa smiled sincerely and grateful for those words. She felt lucky to have him as a brother. 

“Now let’s go, I need another round.” Lincoln claimed, walking to the ring.

* * *

Raven had gone home and so Clarke was left alone, haunted by her thoughts. She felt so guilty, she totally shut from the world, again. She sighed. She avoided everyone, Lexa and Madi included. She grabbed her phone. Maybe texting them would have been a good idea. Clarke started typing something, but she deleted everything.  No, I can’t vanish and then text them like nothing happened , she thought. She felt a complete idiot. Maybe she was that. Moreover, Lindsey teased her all day, so she was feeling a bit tense about Lexa.  We’re just friends , Clarke repeated to herself. Suddenly, the mobile rang. She groaned. It was Lexa.

“Hey, how are you? I was texting you.” Clarke said.

“I’m fine. How are you? Do you feel better?” Lexa asked, a bit concerned. 

“Oh, yes. Thank you for helping me and sorry if I didn’t phone or text you, I...”. Lexa stopped her rambling. 

“Don’t worry, Clarke. It’s okay, now you owe me a favor.”. The blonde bit her lip. Was she asking her to do something?

“Yes, of course. Do you need anything?” she asked, suspicious. “Lexa?” she insisted, as the brunette didn’t answer her back.

“Uh, yes, sorry. I... Well, Clarke, how about having you here for dinner tonight?”. The doctor blushed, she didn’t know why. Her heart started racing.  _ Just friends, we’re just friends _ , she kept telling herself. 

“Yes, Lexa. It would be a pleasure.”


End file.
